The bigger person
And guess who that is? ME,ME,ME,ME!!!... at least thats
what I think...
Here`s the story.
Me and Tommy has been tougether a lot lately, and things
have been great afther that stupid week we had. (not all my
This weekend I wanted to go and se anout a boy with Hugh
Grant, Tommy has said for quite a while that he wanted us
to go to the cinneme tougether. Can you belive it he said,
we have know each other for a half year and still we have
not gone to the movis tougether!!
We have been talking about it a lot, it`s hard to find the
perfect day, but now we did, last Saturday.
I was working daytime so I could order tje tickets on
internet, thats cheeper.
We had been taliking about going this day for about a week,
I asked him before I went to work if I should order
tickets, I called him when I was working to ask ig 21.15
was okey and where he wanted to sit.
The weather was bad, so he could not pick me up this day,
but afther work I tok the bus out to his place.
I was tired cause I had been working and sleeping over at
his place the day before, and belive me, sleeping over at
Tommy`s dont always mean that you get much sleep;-)
We were lying in his bed and I felt asleep, when I wakeup he was in
the kitchen, I made him come back to bed with me cause I like it when
we`re in the same bed and he`s holding me.
But some how we ended up making love.............;-)
Afther, when I looked at the watch it was 20.33 ans we was supose so
take a bus that left 20.30!!
I asked him if he could look up when the next bus left and he said
yes, but he diddnt do it before 20.45 so we also missed the 20.40 bus!
The next bus we could take would make us come late to the movie and I
wassnt even sure if we would get in since the comersal would be all
done and sometimes they wont let you pick up your ticket then because
some people pay them to show everyone some comersal..
So I asked him what he wanted to do, wait for the next bus, take a
taxi etc. And he said lets just stay home, I think that was what I
was hoping he would say, but stil I was a bit upset cause I had
allready payed for the tickets I orderd on internet, But Im not sure
if he realized that.
So we stayd at home, I was said cause I didnt get to see the movie
and cause I feelt he didnt care enught for me. He could se that it
was somthing wrong and asked what it was, I said nothing, he said
that he could see that something was wrong and asked if I was acid, I
said no, he asked if I was sad and I just whisperd yes.
The thing is I WANT him to ask me and fing out, but its noy like Im
gonna say it the first time he askes, he has to do it sevral times so
I can se that he really wanna know and that he cares.
But he dont, cause he dont wanna be persistent.
Why cant he understand me???
The next morning was better, but then I got the feeling agen, that he
dont cares for me at all, so I do this stupid things to test him, I
love to be at his place and relax, but this was my first real dayn
off for months, no school, work at cyber cafe or babysitting!!
And I wanted to DO somthing, like go for a walk, watch a movie,
dunno, somthing at least.
So at one point afther I had been verry quiet for a while I aske him
what he wanted to do, but he didnt answer. I said "what?" he just sat
there on the table quiet and I was sitting on the sofa quiet waiting
for an answer. We sat there bouth, all stil for a while. But then I
said "all right" and went to the bathroom, I changed my clothes, put
all my things in my bag. (not everything, I got some things
who "lives" at his place) Then I took my shoes on and asked if he
would come to kiss me goodbye, but he said no.
In the meanwhile I was in the bathroom he had moved over to the
coach, he sat there with his head in his hands and looked verry sad.
I walked over to him and hold him, we kissed and I said "I dont wanna
fight" "me nether " he said.
But this is my day off and I want to do something, we never do
anything anyore, would you please walk me to the door?
But he would not and I left.
I knew I could`t leave as I was walking out the door, it would only
give us nore problems.
But I was hurt, he didnt even asked me to stay, how can he love me
I knew that if I went home that would be no fun since all I would be
thinking off was this, so I figured that I could go into town, watch
a movie (revenge)or so to work, check my mail, talk to Tim (who`s
back!!) or something.. and the go back to Tommy.
But since it was Sunday I had to wait quit a while for the bus, it
was could outside and I was not in a waiting mood, but i waited for
a while, then, before I knew it I was in the gas station asking them
if they could take care of my things for a while.
I walked the was back to Tommy`s and knocked on the door. He opend
allmost at once but it feelt like forever, he was talking in the
phone but hang on and said he would call back later.
Then we huged and I said that I didnt wanted us to fight, he would`nt
ether, and that he was on his way to see me, I dont think thats
Tommy, but we was in the bathroom getting ready when I came so I
At least I was the bigger person, I came back first and said I was
Then we went for a walk and talked, he said that he knows that he
have problems to show me how much he loves me, but thats not good
enught for me, I need to know it!!
We bouth agreed that its a problem between us, for him its that I
have sectrets about my past, and he feel that I had more fun then
than Im having now. But he`s got sectres to and thats not a problem
for me, probobly bacause I know that its not that bigg as mine are.
But I cant tell him, cant tell anyone, cant find the right words to
say even. Like the thing about my father drinking, I cant tell him
Its much better afther the talk, but stil, Im getting so sad
everytime Im tinking about it.
In two days we are going for a long weekend holiday, on the boat
where me first meet, that will be fun - if I only dont get these
ideas of mine ofcourse.