humming bird

my F***ed up head
2002-10-22 03:00:49 (UTC)

everythings wrong

yeah well stevo and i are no longer anything- we were for
while but he always said he was gonna call an then never
did and got tired of waiting around for him so i gave up
and i avent talked to him in about a month and a half-
truth is i do miss him but i dont really think about him
that much- jason and i dont talk still-the only difference
is now i know why. i figured out what it was that ruined us
last time, but his b-day is in like a motnh and im gonna
cal 2 say happy b day. matt and i havehad sex as a total 3
times 2 within one week but i actually started to like him
and he was going back and forth between me and this other
girl and itold him i wasnt gonna do it anymore becuz i
didnt want to get hurt but we're still friends.... this
weekend was fucked up becuz he had a party and one girl was
in the hospital becuz they think someone put something in
her drink and one girl was drunk off her ass so i took care
of her all night and matt is suspended from football and
like everyone got fucked over cept me and my girls once
again. i kinda have a crush on pat kinare and kyle arnold
right now but i dunno whats gonna happen with either of
those...sami and i havent talked in like 3 weex i dont care-
nothings gonna change so this is basically it for our
friendship. Everything just seems fucked up to me matt
hyde, matt nowa, everything.... and corbet showed up at
matts i was like WhAT, and everything with sami is fucked
up. i havent cried about any of this i almost broke donw in
tears becuz i felt so bad for matt but that was the
closeest ts been but i do really need to cry, i can feel it
in me, everything seems empty when im alone and i remember
this feeling..... i remember it from after jason. it sux...
its like everything is going wrong and u cant stop it and
all of it is just consuming you into this like pit of
darkness and u cant find ur way out no matter how hard u
dig until someone gives u a hand but no one is reaching for
you becuz....well... your alone, whatever i'me depressing
mself i'm gonna go.... ttyl peace &love ~julz