lilith.

farking bitch.

WELL FUCK YEAH. FUCK ME. DATS WHO.
IM A BLOODY FUCKING BITCH.
START OF STORY. END OF STORY. IM A FUCKING BITCH. YOU
FUCKING SATISFIED NOW???

Amalina is fucking a doggone case. Fuck her parents for
leaving me with all the fucking responsibility to bring her
up? what? beside the math and the engglish i am now suppose
to teach her morals and shit? fuck lah. fuck fuck fuck.

_______________

nad ross: "what is she doing in a relationship that is
going nowhere?"

shah: "marg, why are muddled? muddled?"

aannndddd de best one was....

shah: "if mard wants to repent, and do life straight, dont
hold her back...let her."

yeah.. all dat i needed to hear in one day...just an inch
more to the edge. well. fuck. fucking nobody fucking
matters.

___________________________

okey so i made a mistake. and so i confided. and boy did i
get a whole earful. from a to z. from b.c to a.d.
ok fine. my mistake. i deserve it. but dis kinda trip??
come on. gifmeabreak.

___________________________

i was sick on saturday. its de air. yeah. len called. so i
spoke to her as per normal. i think she called me in de
morning or something... before i went out w/ my aunt,chups
to the doctors... so i think we talked for awhile.. and
uhh, well.. i cant really remember most of it.. but she
asked me why i sounded like dat.. and i said i was sick and
all.. and yeah.. shes always been nice lah. but dats all. i
mean its all over so what the fuck.
then i reminded her about the sweatshirt and stuffs she
lend me and she said she might as well come down to see me
one of these days and she could take the stuffs and all..
so i said ok. i mean, i didnt want to keep those things
anymore. why should i. so i told her yeah, we could meet up
and i could give her her stuffs and dats it.
so i met her on sunday morning. i was on my way to study
group and i met her before meetin up de rest. at first i
was a lil nervous. dont ask me why. maybe becoz i havent
seen her for a while.. and i dont know.. maybe i felt weird.
so i was late. 30 mins late. but she waited. and when i saw
her,i guess i was pretty much numb. i mean, she hasnt
changed alot.. she was still the len i used to noe and all..
there was so much taht i wanted to say but i guess i went
numb. i guess she did too.. then she looked at me and
said, " hey.. u look nice..." and then things became a bit
weird..so i dint wanna look stupid, excused myself and said
dat i had to go.. and i think both of us knew why. so we
left, our separate ways.and dats it. end of story.
________________

at first i felt .. ok nothing happened so. yup. nothing to
feel guilty about. i came with de intention of givin back
her stuffs. and i did. ........................

then i thought. shld i tell dy i went to see her or not? i
mean i dont want my conscience to haunt me or anything else
that might, would. i mean. so far, i kinda blabber
everything to dy whether its important or not. miscellanous
or important, i guess i blabber. so yeah.. i wanted to tell
dy.. but didnt noe how.. we were on de fone whilst i was in
parkway but there was dis stupid siren which made neither
our voice audible to each other. i did say it. but i guess
she didnt hear me. so yeah.. better luck next time.
i mean.. its no big deal. but it would feel a lot better to
me if i told her coz i would feel better if she did the
same. i mean i trust her. yeah. i do.

so i decided hell. such trivial things. say and forget it.
so i did. my sweet dy came over over to send me food(of
which half have been consumed) and yeah.. so i told her..i
needed to tell her something.. but yeah. didnt noe why
stupid things could be so hard to say. so i just said it
out.
" dy, i went to meet a fren yesterday. to pass some things."
"who?"
"just a fren..i havent met for some time."
i guessed then she knew who it was. so i simply shot it out
and said.. "i met lenny yesterday." i dont noe whether dy
was mad at me for not tellin her beforehand.. but hey,
nothing happened. so yeah.. i guess dy noes dat.. so she
was ok. its not as if i went to fuck someone rite? and on
dat cue, let me swear upon my head dat im not de infidelity
sort ok. and so isnt my baby.. we both arent.
but then i felt bad really.. becoz when i met len, i
mean .. though nothin really happened... i mean, she .. was
like.. umm,... i dont noe. argh. fuck you lah nis. fuck you.

i dont noe.
i dont care.
i dont bother.

i love dy, even if shes from siglap rd.
dats all.
and my answer to shah and nad ross will haf to wait.

but im still fucked at myself though. for being a bitch.
...friday..saturday..sunday..sunday....

-lilith

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