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2001-08-06 05:36:14 (UTC)

The ones I want I usualy get...

The ones I want I usualy get. The ones I don't want I can
get for sure. Its a pathetic irony. Almost an addiction. I
get male customers that tell me how beautiful I am, and
then others who I shine eyes for who won't even look at me.
I am confused as to what I should be doing. There is a man
in my life who is alredy taken who he and I go together
like white and rice. Red flags. Another man in my life who
makes me feel beautiful when he looks at me because he is
so beautiful, but he drinks and I sometimes think its the
beer talking. There is another man who is my ideal kind of
man, he is into everything I am into down to the same
little sayings..but he is unstable, he has lied to me then
recanted his story. Then, there is the kind hearted
gentleman, but he has a temper on him. What the hell am I
doing? I begin to curse [email protected] again, and the days seem to
drag on by, I wonder where the soulmate is. where is he? Is
he one of these? Do I have to look past the flaws in order
to learn something about mankind to assure my passage into
heaven? I think it is all bullshit down to the "ONE". I
think some people were meant to be alone thru thier lives.
I feel I have enough strength to do so, and without
depending on anyone else, but I need somone I can always
depend on. I want somone who can hold me when I am not
strong..who I can depend on to take care of things when I
am in need. I would do the same..but who the hell is that?
I think sometimes that what I need is like "Footprints in
the SAnd", and not sexual. Maybe I need
spiritualness..maybe [email protected] needs faith, a rekindled sense
of hope.