The Shadow of Myself
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2001-08-06 04:15:57 (UTC)

knock knock.. who's there?'s life

Wow. I can't believe how fast the days are flying by. I
just remember all the times.. when I was little...
thinking... geez.. when am I gonna be in high school with
the big kids. So I finally got there.. and it sorta seemed
slow while I was there.. and I was always wanting for it to
be finished. Now.. here I am. High school is finished..
and I'm 12 days from leaving for college. As I look back..
I see how completely fast my whole life has gone. It
seemed like it was going so slow.. and now I'm wondering
where it has gone. (I probably sound like I'm 82 right
now.. but I can't help it) This summer has totally flown
by. It was first like 2 months.. then 1.. then 3 weeks..
then 2.. now 12 days.

I've pretty much decided that I need to stop counting
down. If you think about it.. you spend a lot more of your
life counting down to the next "big event" than you do
appreciating the moment that you're in. How true is that?
I mean all through high school.. you counted down for
proms, homecomings, big games, summer, and college. It's
actually kinda sad thinking about how many things that you
missed out on b/c you were so worried about what was about
to happen instead of what was actually happening. I'll
have to say.. than I'm one of the worst at this. I guess I
thought that life was more exciting if you had something to
look forward to. And it is.. but if you find yourself
dwelling on it constantly.. then thats probably not so much
of a good thing. Which may be another flaw that I have.

Another thing that sucks.. well semi-sucks.. is that I'm
learning a lot about myself right now. I'm not thrilled
with everything that I'm learning.. but I guess thats good
to know now.. b/c I can begin to change. I don't know what
is bringing on all these new discoveries.. but it's just
like all the sudden I'm seeing one thing after another and
it's all so thought provoking. Which goes back to
something I have recently realized.. I think a lot. Maybe
I always knew on some level.. but I never actually thought
about how much I analyze things and what they mean to me.

I have a feeling.. that umm.. as I go away to school I am
going to learn so many new things it's not even funny.
I'll be exposed to new people, new things.. and bascially
new everything. I don't know what I'm going to do with
myself. I'll probably have to do a lot of things that
require using my thinking skills so I don't have to be
thinking so deep all the time.. and instead I can be
thinking about playing ultimate frisbee or something.
Well.. who knows what I have gotten myself into.. haha.

So.. I feel like life has suddenly shown up right in front
of me.. like it just caught me off-guard.. and here I am..
trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do...

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