Nick's Journal
Ad 2:
2002-10-21 03:33:09 (UTC)


I wouldn't mind my childhood for one day. to have it for
just one day. to live it again. i'm saying this and i'm
20 years old. why do i say it? it's not like my life is
horrible or that i'm being burdened by anything, it's not
like i want to escape but i just want that innocence. i
know it's horribly cliche but that's what it is and that's
what i want.
i don't want to worry about news, about friendships, about
relationships, about what i eat, about that hamster that's
trying to kill me. i want to be that child that goes
through life in a daze.
i mean i want to watch cartoons in the morning, and eat
whatever the hell i can get my hands on. then i want to
go with my mother on errands. i want to go on errands cos
i can run around like a little asshole and throw
everything into the cart again. i can ask for everything
i want, thinking that i'll get it and become indignant
when i'm denied it. atleast when you're denied something
when you're young it's from someone that you can place the
source to. then i want to go to ice cream or whatever, as
long as half the food ends up on me and not in my
stomach. then i want to bite konw just
for the hell of it.
then i want to go out into the creek with my best friend
again. we'll explore there for the longest time adn we'll
play pretend. we'll throw rocks at cars and run away if
we ever get chased. i want to come home exhausted (but
feigning a resurgence in strength to avoid the bath). i
want a bath. not the fucking shower. i want my knees to
be full of dirt and scraped, and my clothes set on fire
cos it's pointless to wash them.
then comes dinner. i don't want to like it (as i always
remember i was never thrilled with what i got for
dinner). then, even though i never finish my food i'll
insist for desert, and finally get it (hopefully). then
play wiht my toy cars again and with my dog as godzilla
while eating some cookies or whatever.
then as i fight my parents on when i go to bed, i sink
into bed and i'd do something i never did when i was a
little kid. i'll appreciate the fact that i had no
worries today, that i got a good night kiss, and that i
got tucked in, and that those people will be there for me
at night if i need some's something that
isn't there later on in life.
why do i want it now? cos i'm kinda sick of our times
right now. i hate what you people do to each other, and i
hate you self-righteous people too. but what i hate even
more is that i am always reminded of you all.
why do we take drugs and drink? maybe because it allows
us to experience childhood for a split second. but
usually we fuck it up anyhow. so what's the point.
if we can be with someone, or do something that allows us
to act in childhood fashion for just a portion of the
time, i think that is what makes us happy.