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2001-08-06 03:21:54 (UTC)


Well I have just come back from a job interview and I shall
know whether I have a full time job on Thursday at the very
latest. It is in a supermarket. Yes a check out chic. But
it is good for money handling skils and also customer
service skills. So I hope I get that. I had to knock back
work at the cross to go to this interview so I better get
the job.

I saw Stuart last night. It was very emotional. We had
dinner and coffee and that was fine. We went to a bar and
drank some alcohol, and that was fine until I decided to
open up to him about how I felt. It ripped me in two. I had
to do it though. I needed him to know that I was hurting
and that he was everything I ever dream,ed off and that by
getting up and walking away he is leaving a hole in me. I
cried. I couldn't help it. I actually did a lot of crying
after that. I cried at the pub, I cried at the station
saying goodbye to him, and I cried most of the way back
home. It hurt so much. Every station that went past was
father away from Stuart. I know he likes me because I asked
him (we went to bed together for chrissake!!) and I wanted
to get close to him last night for one last time, but that
did'nt happen. I am a gluton for punishment and It is
probaby a good thing that it didn't happen again because I
wouldn't of let him go. I am going to meet up with him in a
year or so, (or try to depending where he is) in England.
By then I will probablyt have a steady boyfriend and all
the rest of it. But still, he was my fantasy, and I told
him so. I think he was quite bewildered by the way i was
talking, but I needed him to know. He is such a honey!!!
anyway, so I have come to a point where I know that I have
his email address and I can send him emails. So whereever
in the world he is I can say " hello" (sniff sniff...come
baccckkkkk!! WAHHHHHH)

I had a bonza of an argument with my flatmate at about 1am
this morning. He has banned me from using the washing
machine because I refused to hang out my clothes at 1 in
the morning. What a fuckwit. I had been in a smoky pub and
the clothes that I needed for my job interview where the
ones I had on. SO I washed them. The first thing was, have
you changed the filter.... I said no, so he stopped the
washing machine and cleaned the filter out and the he
said..." I have some clothes that I could've put in that
load..." And I am like " I really don't give a fuck right
now" (I was upset about Stuart still) and then when my
clothes finished we had this argument about me hanging
clothes for my job interview in my room. My room is well
aired and they were in the cupboard so I don't see what the
probelem is. And my flatmate is going on about how he won't
be able to sleep because some of my clothes are not out on
the line and this is a whole lot of crap. I swear he has a
big problem. I think he has more OCD than he wants to admit
and it is getting worse. He ended up hanging out my jeans
at nearly 2am on a line down the back of the block of
units. Then he comes in and starts his shit again and I
just said " Goodnight Dave" and shut my door. I had had
enough. He insists that he is always right and that is
bullshit. He goes on about how I should be more organised
blah blah blah and his life is such a fucking mess that you
could'nt sort it out with an electronic sorter. He asked me
a few months ago what I thought he should do with his life.
This is a 53 year old man. Friken ridiculous. Anyway so
this morning when I got up there was calm after the
storm.We were both very civil to each other. I think he is
watching his step because he knows just out of line he was.
He keeps on bringing up Katrina, (who we both know and He
had a thing for and I don't think he ever got over her and
I think he is still in love with her, even though she
despises him) and I told him to get over it. He continually
bags her out. And he doesn't relaise that I can pick up the
fact that he is not over her and the way he deals with that
is by putting her down. I hate it. Anyway.

Yesterday wasn't very productive. (Except for Stuart) I got
up and I ended up at the pub drinking Vodka Cruisers and
getting terribly drunk. That was most of my day then I came
home and went to sleep and woke up to my phone ringing
which was Stuart and then I got dressed and went out with
Stuart in Kings Cross. We shared a king sized plate of
Nachos and they were lovely, especially the sour cream and

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