hobbitmuse

When you wish upon a star
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2002-10-20 21:05:56 (UTC)

love, or something similar

i dont know if it is common knowledge that a woman in love
embraces a different persona than one out of love. I think
of life as two sides, fantasy and reality, and the two are
separated by a very thin line. People in love have lost
there way and can no longer distinguish where they are in
the two lines. perhaps they are on the thin line between
the two. As i have said, there is only one difference
between haing a crush and being in love. having a crush is
fun and great. being in love sucks.


When you sit and converse with a girl who is shy and
introverted at a coffee shop, and a familiar boy walks in,
and she greets him with a timid "hello stranger" ad he
walks in the door. And her face lights up in a vibrant
smile, and shes suddnely beautiful. when she gets that look
on her face somewhere between ecstacy and horrible sadness,
that look that is the same when she is looking at someone
from a crowded room than from when they are a foot away
from her. you just know.


im so glad im not in love right now. my last few ones left
me battered and depressed and without knowledge. But oddly,
it just took one conversation with the most unlikely place
to bring me back up and treat my next day as if it were my
first.


But here i come, and a younger guy that i have known for a
year comes along with promises. i think he either genuinely
likes me, or he is very tolerant to closeness. I constantly
find he is as close to e as he has ever been. which is
fine, because i have a very small personal space box as
well.


its strange because people see us and i think they see two
people who are obviously attracted to one antoher, but who
are both two afraid to take it any further. Two people who
just have to be content with locking eyes and showing signs
of being in love, without the title.

Today i stood outside like an idiot quietly watching him
flirt with another girl. i wasnt vexed by it, he has every
right to, doesnt he? but when i started to get cold i
turned around and made my way back into the auditorium.
Strangely, he followed. i think i wanted him to, though i
did intend to be on my own at first. And as always, he and
i slipped in and out of ourselves digging at each other and
testing each other to find clues that point to the truth.
Sometimes when this happens i feel like the apitimy of
matureity and adultness. Sometimes i feel like ive just
strayed back to that silly naive girl that i hate so much.


It annoys me when poets try to explain and comprehend the
feeling of being in love. Its not like a "ray of sunlight"
or anything of that matter. Its just a feeling. a very good
feeling. a very painful feeling, sometimes. It cannnot be
explained, no matter how hard they try. I dont think im in
love with him. i dont think hes in love with me. I dont
think we will ever take it any further than this. mild and
timidness. friendly outlooks on everything. i think im
happy. just with the whole friendship thing. its so much
easier and less awkward. I think this is big, but not as
big as my bessotment with Fred.


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