LaShygurl

Confusing....
2002-10-20 11:49:07 (UTC)

Wishing I was someone else...part 2

Well after I talked to my ex I got online.Thinking nothing
is gonna go wrong today.But yeah like always I WAS WRONG.
When I got online my mans ex girl hit me up on IM.So we
were talking,getting along and everything. We talked mainly
about Mark but a couple of other things to.Then I told her
that I hope Mark doesn't hurt me,we've only been together
for about 2 months but I'm in love.Then that is when
everything came out.

She told me that they broke up a month ago,that he still
wants to fuck her,and how many times he cheated on her with
other females,and blah blah blah.I was just so shocked at
everything she was saying tho.And hurt I started to cry as
I was typing to her and shit.Because that means the first
month which is half of our relationship he cheated on me. I
wasn't mad at her at all tho.I mean she was hurt to.And I'm
still not mad at her.

But after that Mark got online and a few mins later she
added him into mine and her convo then we both asked him
when me and him hooked up and when him and her broke
up.Then he knew he was caught cuz he went off on us and got
offline.But I think the main thing that hurt me was when he
yelled at me and left.I didn't do shit but sat there and
found out some info.So I was hurt that he would go off then
cut us off and leave.But hey that's how he is.

So before she got offline to leave with her mom or
something I was emailing him.Telling him how I felt and
that I still loved him,cuz I do.But as I was typing it I
cried so much that I didn't have any emotions left and I
felt empty inside.So me and her finished talking and then I
went and laid down cuz I didn't get any sleep last night. I
sat there and cried myself to sleep thinking about how my
life would be with someone else instead of Mark.And I can
tell you that I DIDN'T LIKE THE THOUGHT OF THAT.

Then later when I woke up he called,talked to my sister for
a lil while and I got on the phone.And he broke up with me
becuz he said he didn't want to hurt me.And he didn't want
to be like the other guys I've been with in my past.That he
loves me and doesn't want me going thru that.And of course
I said I'm not leaving you,as if I could force him to stay
lol.Then he talked to my sister more.

And I talked to my mom about it.FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY
LIFE I OPENED UP TO MY MOM WITHOUT GETTING GROUNDED!! I
thought she was gonna kill me for telling her what I told
her.But she said she wanted me to be able to talk to her so
I was finally able to.Her rule was I couldn't date til I
was 17 and that I'm not aloud to be bi lol,sounds funny but
yeah thats how she thinks.

And I finally told her that I've been dating Mark for 2
months (and I just turned 17 on the 17th of this month)but
he cheated on me becuz he was still with his ex for a
month.So the first half of our relationsip he lied and
cheated.And he's also having a kid with that girl she's 6
months along.But I love him more then anything.And I want
to work it out.

What she said is that she don't agree with me and Mark
dating becuz I met him online,he has a kid on the way and
his babys mama will always be in his life,he's 19 two yrs
older then me and she don't go for that,he already cheated
on me for the first have of the relationship so he'll
probably do it again,and there are more men out there.
That's what she said.I thought she was gonna yell and tell
me I can't be with Mark.That never came out tho.But I told
her I had to talk to Mark.

So I got back on the phone and we were talking.He told me
that everything his ex told me was true but he is in love
with me and he wants to give me the 12 kids I've always
wanted.That he knew he fucked up but he can't do nothing
about it now.But I love him too much to sit there and say
goodbye over his ex.I'm sorry but that's not happening.So I
told him that I wasn't suprised becuz I always get hurt.I
expect it to happen.I expect it to happen the way he
expects his relationships not to last long.I try not to
think I'll get hurt but I know I will.But I told him how I
really felt which was "Mark,I love you and I want to be
with you.I know you can't be faithful but I'd wish you
wouldn't lie about it.BI'm not ok with it but I would
rather have your heart also having you cum home to me every
night and fucking girls then not having you.As long as you
love me and I hold your heart then I won't leave you if you
cheat.Just don't lie about it,cuz that's what causes pain."
I know I said that but maybe not in that order tho cuz I
can't remember. But after I said that he said "Marry me"
And omg that was the sweetest thing he's said all day!So I
told him that I would in the future.I just wanna be with
him.So we got back together and WE'RE STAYING TOGETHER
TO!!!!!

And I gave the phone back to my sister cuz he had to tell
her something.Then I went back to my moms room and told her
what happened.I told her that I'm staying with him cuz I
love him.And she said I could get better but if that's what
I want then ok.I was happy she said that.Then I told her
something that I think she needs to know.I told her I was
bisexual.I swear to god I thought she was gonna beat the
hell out of me.But she asked how many girls I've been with
and what I've done.But she blames me being bisexual on my
older sister lisa lol.Then it led to guys.She asked if I've
ever had sex before and I told her yes.But I had to say
once with one of my ex's like a yr ago.And she asked how
many guys but I wouldn't answer her on that.Cuz umm with
that answer she would of killed me.So now she's gonna call
the doctor and take me to get checked since I never did
when I first had sex.But I'm glad she knows,it makes me
feel better.I don't even know where I got the strength to
tell her all that tho.

But then me and my man talked a lil more.Then I got online.
Well that's all that happened today.A lot of drama tho.So
Ima go now and go to sleep.

Oh and Mark if you're reading this...I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
BABY...YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME...MUAHZZZ!!!




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