lilliana

lilliana
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2001-08-05 20:34:06 (UTC)

Love

...my heart is thumping so hard. It hurts, but it's a good
kinda hurt. I feel like someone has poured ice water down
my insides. Oh my...I've fallen in love again. With who?
(*sigh*...) I saw him again. Yesterday in fact. He was
driving a cute black sports car with some other guy. Then
he got out and switched to the passenger side. Wearing NO
SHIRT! Gracious, where are my manners? I should introduce
you to this love of mine. OKay, actually he isn't "mine"
but...just some wishful thinking. His name is Rob. Rob
Buchane and he's god sent. Absolutley magnificent. I would
die for him, as scary as it may sound, and ooohhh how I
long to be martyred. I met him last summer. My first
impression wasn't spontaneous...I mean he didn't strike me
as drop dead awesome right away. But he had such a loud
mouth! ( like those annoying kids who don't get any
attention at home)It drove me insane. But I noticed that I
was kind of enjoying his people-pleasing charm and sarcasm.
So anyway...I found myself wanting to see him again at the
end of each day. It's so funny how it just...happened. I
wanted to be near him....at all times (haha, as dumb as
that sounds.) The way he bit his lower lip when he was day
dreaming, the way he walked; much like a lazy saunter, his
green eyes were so clear and mystifying. Oh god! I had
such a crush on him. I was too shy, no doubt, to ask for
his number, but I practiced asking him 3 million times in
front of the mirror.
He's just so wonderful to be around. You know those type of
people that just...make you feel beautiful even though you
know you look like hell? Or the ones that laugh at your
lamest jokes? That's Rob. Sweet Robbie. I know he didn't
like me in return, though. That's okay. I'm totally okay
with me just liking him and him liking someone else. I knew
he had such a big thing for some hot chick named Amy.
Everytime he would tell me this I would just laugh. It was
no big deal...besides it wouldn't feel right to date him. I
don't think I'm beautiful enough for him. I know, that's
sounds stupid but, I just feel he should have the most
beautiful, intelligent, gal out there. He's a swell dude.
But anyway, to finish this story (that's seems to be going
nowhere) there was a huge period where I had no contact
with him and just...forgot about him all together. No Rob,
no lustful fantasies....just all gone. I was kind've
relieved that I hadn't seen him. Besides, ev'ry time I ran
into him I had major chest pains. That was up until
yesterday when I saw him in the car. He looked so handsome.
*faint* oh dear....he's gotten taller now so I'm guessing
he's 5'11. He looked kinda sun burnt but it was okay. I
wanted to wave and give him a hug...but I couldn't muster
up the courage. So he drove off and the rest is history.
Who knows if I'll see Robbie again...it would sure be nice
though. I can just picture what our meeting would be like.
I'd probably walk up to him w/ my pathetic shy smile. He'll
just stand there grinning at me like he always does, then
say something like, "Hey Lil" and push me into
somethin ( that's what he enjoys doing...finding some way
to push me into one thing or the other.) I'd call him a jerk
(as usual) and try to ruffle his punk sk8er hair. See, what
I'd really like to do is just stand there and look at his
beautiful face. Allllllll day. I wouldn't mind that
fantasy coming true. I love you, Rob.


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