2002-10-20 00:31:37 (UTC)

So I'm sad again...

It's saturday night and I feel like crap. First off, this
preacher guy came over to the house. My dad's work buddy
who is concerned about him and wants him to come back. He
is highly religious and seems open minded. But I don't know
to what degree. He's talking about some group that our
family could join. That they would pray for us and such. He
also went on talking that it's some kind of praying that
really gets you involved, and makes you believe. I've heard
of this before from my religious friend Alina. It's when
people get so swept up into the ceremony or praire, or
whatever they do there, and just start shaking on the
floor, and talking in ancient tongues as though they were
possessed by some spirits. So doing that I wouldn't mind.
But this brings up a bad deal with me.

I don't want to go to confession, and I don't want to prey.
I do though want a descent family. I don't know what will
happen if I tell them that I don't want to go to confession
and I don't want to prey. The preacher guy said at one
point that he respects other religions and has nothing
against them, but alot of people are like that. They just
crack when they hear that the other persons religion is
wicca. Some automatically assume I wanna burn some
chickens. My parents don't mind me doing magick, and that
is fantastick, but I don't know should I go any further
with that.

Other then that I'm really busy as I stated recently. (But
I haven't done anything today, I don't know why, I just
don't feel like it. Maybe it's because of this:)

Karoline is in town so I think yey. Finally someone, a real
friend, to talk to. But she has some problems too, with her
boyfriend, and we had a lot to do with little time. So she
went on talking and I let her. Though deep down I knew that
I need to break in there somewhere and say hey I need to
talk to you. I tried to just listen before and it doesn't
work. Holding your emotions in all the time will break you
down with in a week. The time I tried it purposely it hurt
so bad once it all came out. This time though, I need
someone to talk to, but I don't really have anyone.

So I'm not gonna do anything today again. My library book's
275 pages will have to wait. Maybe I might be able to do it
all tomorrow. But fat chance. I'll see Karoline tomorrow
hopefully, and hopefully she'll have more time to listen

As for Teresa, I'm not gonna call her back until I can deal
with this whole idea of her finding happiness when I was
gone, and "maturing" so fast. It will take me a year
pherhaps before I make that phone call. I need to first get
into situations where I'm on my own. Living my own life and
being myself. The world can be harsh and tough. These kind
of things that all my friends have been going through have
left me harsh to guys and at a loss of friends. Maybe if
I'll be in college, I'll understand it. Or I'll be able to
finally deal with this major change in people. That instead
of basing life on whatever is important to them, and fun,
they base things on "LOVE." When who the hell knows when it
really happens, or if they're just kidding themselves.