BlueAngel

Thoughts from Blue Angel
2001-08-05 16:08:02 (UTC)

The Pressure

Well, the pressure is still here, but subsiding. I still
haven't been eating. Leah made me eat a brownie last
night, and it tasted good, but I really had no desire for
more than a few bites. I just didn't feel like eating. I
made myself drink apple juice this morning, and now I'm
making myself eat a 25 cent Airhead, because I know I need
something. I just can't eat normally with my stomach in
knots like this.

It definitely isn't a physical ailment. It's nerves. I've
never felt this way for more than a few hours at a time,
and this is the third day in a row.

In a way, I like the fact that I'm not eating. I'm losing
weight. It's not healthy, I know. But it's not any worse
for me than eating too much, which is what I usually do
when I'm stressed. So in a way, I don't mind the
nervousness.

A lady whose daughter I graduated with came in today for
the first time in a few weeks. She stopped for a second
and looked at me and said, "Jennifer, you're looking
awfully skinny." Then when I got home, mom told me that
she could really notice that I've lost a lot of weight.
Man, that feels great.

When I got home from work, I hopped on the scale fully
dressed and weighed 165! Woo-hoo! I started out at 185
and I'd love to get down to 145 eventually, so that means
I'm half way to my long-term goal. My goal for the summer
was 155, and I definitely won't be hitting it, but I could
probably get down to 160 at least before next Thursday,
especially at this rate. I just have to keep up the good
work once I get to college!

I'm so excited today. I'm doing good! I'm going to work
out every day before I leave and make the most of these
last days!




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