2002-10-19 20:55:05 (UTC)


So last night I went online. Shuman was the only one
there, but he said hi to me. Basically I spilled and told
him everything I was feeling about Andrew. So he called up
andrew and told him everything I had typed and Andrew
checked his email. I was crying a bit, its become pretty
common these days, and then andrew called me. It was like
10:15 and i needed sleep. It was really awkward, but just
hearing the sound of his voice made me feel better. I
could just feel my heart being wrenched talking to him,
knowing that I can't go up to him and have him hold me or
hug him anymore. I won't see him much, and talking will
probably be strained for awhile. What sucks the most is
that now that I figured out my feelings, I can't express
them to him. Yes, he knows, but nothing is the same. I
can't just tell him, "I love you." Though it is what I
want to do most. I found number one on my list for life,
and I can't share it or feel it. Way to screw things up!