Thoughts from Blue Angel
2002-10-19 18:20:04 (UTC)

Better than Ever

Tyler and I have been back together for a while now. (I
wish I updated more often!) Things have been so great. He
is so much fun!

The past week has been amazing. I don't know what happened
last Friday, nor can I describe what it has done to our
relationship. All of a sudden, we started looking each
other in the eyes again right before we kiss. And we
started talking about us more openly. He started
initiating public displays of affection. A lot of our
affectionate making fun of each other turned to
compliments. Our comfort level, which was pretty high to
begin with, completely skyrocketed.

We talked about it earlier in the week, and I was surprised
that he was the first to mention the change. I am so
ecstatic that he felt it too.

The more I think about it, the more I'm sure that I love
him. Then again, I don't want to say it until I know we're
both ready, because I want it to mean more than anything
else I've ever said in my life.

Also, I think we're nearing the point where sex is a real
possibility, and I want to be very cautious with it. I've
thought of a few conditions that I feel need to be met
before I will have sex with Tyler.

First of all, we have to say "I love you." Of course,
making this condition known would be a stupid move, even
though I don't think he would say it prematurely just to
have sex. After a little over a year, I think if he wanted
to have sex before he was really sure he loved me, it would
have happened. I'd really like to wait at least a while
after (if) this occurs.

Also, we will have to decide beforehand that we're ready.
I don't want to decide to have sex after we're already
naked and fooling around. I don't want to decide on a date
to have sex or anything, but I want to decide that we're
ready if we're ever in a situation where it feels right.

I really don't want our first time to be in one of those
really dirty horny moods either. Those are fun, I want it
to happen when we're feeling affectionate, with lots of
slow kisses and soft touches.

After waiting this long for someone so great, I really want
it to be a great experience for both of us if it happens.

I'm completely crazy about Tyler, and I'm so glad that I
decided to give him another chance, because he's making it
well worth my while.