every1born2die

every1born2die
2002-10-19 16:43:40 (UTC)

ok........i am a piece of shit...........all that u want is to hear me admit it , there : I AM SHIT!:

AlexanderFann: no offense buyt this looks like a big umm
what do u call it
AlexanderFann: god i cant remember ive gone mind blank
AlexanderFann: soap opera there we go
kuttInkandIneedl: where?
kuttInkandIneedl: which one?
AlexanderFann: but then again life is a soap opera isnt it?
AlexanderFann: the big ol' conversation with ashley
kuttInkandIneedl: u reading the last one?
AlexanderFann: the middle one?
AlexanderFann: first one?
AlexanderFann: heck if i know
kuttInkandIneedl: what r u reading?
AlexanderFann: i just read the whole thing
AlexanderFann: xcept the lyrics and stuff
kuttInkandIneedl: and stuff?
AlexanderFann: some parts i just knew what was happening i
think so i skipped a few lines
kuttInkandIneedl: um.......ok
AlexanderFann: neways y u want me 2 read it so bad?
AlexanderFann: do u even know if jason lieks u or not?
kuttInkandIneedl: FUCK IT ALEX, i rather have u not read
it, but u all asking me "can i help" and what is wrong,
maybe that explains more
kuttInkandIneedl: bcz i trully don't see a point about
talking about it
AlexanderFann: it explains why u r mad
AlexanderFann: BUT U KNOW WHAT?
AlexanderFann: have u ever though how i felt?
AlexanderFann: u talk about how he leaves and doesnt respond
AlexanderFann: and how u like him
AlexanderFann: u know i like u and u do the same thing 2 me
AlexanderFann: and u r down i try 2 help
kuttInkandIneedl: um......that's why i sent you those lyrics
AlexanderFann: but everything i get frmo u is the same thing
kuttInkandIneedl: saying "doesn't that sound familiar"
AlexanderFann: you know what?
AlexanderFann: im sry but im tired of this crap about just
as tired as u r of his crap
AlexanderFann: u talk about how friends left u last year
but i stayed
kuttInkandIneedl: i know how u feel
AlexanderFann: but yet u still do it
kuttInkandIneedl: but it's fucking hard to split my
attention to both of you
AlexanderFann: u dont have to split all ur attention
AlexanderFann: i just need to hear you say like im going
away for a bit
AlexanderFann: instead of u just getting up and going
leaving me here hanging
AlexanderFann: waiting for you to come back
AlexanderFann: and sometimes u dont u just come back pu
taway msg and go
kuttInkandIneedl: i'm sorry :'(
AlexanderFann: and you do all these things 4 him?
AlexanderFann: such as cutting and all that?
AlexanderFann: u talk about how he has 2 stand strong and
not crumble
AlexanderFann: but u never looked in the mirror
AlexanderFann: u urself r crumbling faster than he is
kuttInkandIneedl: :-(
AlexanderFann: ur doing the same thing to me as he does to
you
AlexanderFann: but u dont see me go into a closest and do
crap
AlexanderFann: u dont see my get pissed at my parents
AlexanderFann: you dont see my cutting myself and cry 24/7
AlexanderFann: yes i cry
AlexanderFann: but its only when i cant hold it nemore
AlexanderFann: and then u dont see that i have anyone to
talk to about it
AlexanderFann: like how i am hear 2 listen 2 u
AlexanderFann: only person i can talk 2 is my self
AlexanderFann: or even if i feel bad enuf the wall
AlexanderFann: thats how pathetic i am
AlexanderFann: but i still dont try 2 show it
AlexanderFann: i try 2 stand strong like u want him to but
not everyone is a brick wall and never falling
AlexanderFann: you can't expect someone to do something if
u urself are not willing to do it with them
AlexanderFann: ive learned that lesson in my life the hard
way

AlexanderFann: there i have nothing else i can think of
kuttInkandIneedl: ........
kuttInkandIneedl: thank u alex
AlexanderFann: go ahead if u wanna get mad at me for all
i've said go ahead
AlexanderFann: but its the truth and you know it
AlexanderFann: and there sno point of getting mad at me
about it
kuttInkandIneedl: i am sorry about being such a piece of
shit to you
AlexanderFann: u've said that atleast 3 or more times by
now and how many times have u actually meant it?
AlexanderFann: i even have on eof the convo's saved
kuttInkandIneedl: wow....:-(
AlexanderFann: so you have nothing to say?
AlexanderFann: ur not gonna ge tmad like u do usually?
kuttInkandIneedl: no i am not
AlexanderFann: amazing as to how u probably also closed the
chat window
kuttInkandIneedl: no i didn't
AlexanderFann: then remind me how come it said u were
typing instantly after isent a msg to u?
AlexanderFann: i already told renee the same thing and she
knows that she closes them
kuttInkandIneedl: because i was
AlexanderFann: the luck of that
kuttInkandIneedl: i was typing to you
AlexanderFann: typing the exact moment i typed something
kuttInkandIneedl: my god alex
kuttInkandIneedl: yes!
AlexanderFann: im sry if i dont believe you
AlexanderFann: but i have gone through many things in my
life to not believe in luck nemore

............................................
alex is right.....i am crumbling faster than jason
himself.......i am loosing every1 while i try to help one
person when i should be helping myself and aaaaaaaaaaah
fuck this.....i am a blind little idiotic baby girl who
doesn't need this drama....drama........jason why am i
trying so hard??? tell me??? i cannot understand
myself!!!! ........sitting by the window watching rain and
my thoughts run from everything to everyone and every word
and every thought just pushes me down.......i am
underground, i hope some1 can throw more dirt on me now so
that i am burried.............. i love you nina .......
nina.....who is nina.......nina is changing once more....
she isn't that strong as she used to be..... she gives all
her energy to you and leaves herself alone.......i am
alone.......this is pathetic... back to my dark room...




Ad: