sweetaddiction

~*~*~*~
2001-08-05 08:29:02 (UTC)

two thoughts.


how are you supposed to deal with someone leaving.
whos never left before.
you know.
how exactly am i supposed to cope with that.
i need her.
i dont need anyone.
but i need her.
i always thought she was the strong one.
and shes telling me how im stronger than shell ever be.
how she couldnt have dealt with what i did.
im just glad she didnt have to.
but...
i need her.
i fucking need her.
i dont know how to live without her.
i never had to think about it before.
and now its like NOW.
fucking NOW.


and im thinking about giving up on this...
why put myself through all this shit if i dont really know
why i am.
you know.
i cant tell you honestly why.
its just what i have been for awhile now.
because i have a problem.
because i am an extremist.
its like
all or nothing.
but who is to say which is better?
ive been on both sides.
ive done the before and the after.
i like myself a lot more now.
im not stupid anymore.
but i dont know if thats a good.
or a bad thing.
and i miss my friends.
i left them.
you know.
ohhh but they werent really your friends ashley.
yeah well.
they were there to hold my hair.
and they took me to the hospital.
and they had sex with me.
so...
maybe its not friends that i miss.
but i miss that.
i was just like, yeah okay bye now.
and i cant hang out with them.
and i cant deal.
i cant deal with this anymore.
i think im giving up.
i guess i wasnt as strong enough, huh ms c.
thats what you would tell me right.
youd tell me how great im doing.
how much stupid shit i have going for me.
how happy i am.
but im really not.
doing bad shit is what makes me happy.
so.
just fuck me.
and fuck all of this.
what constitutes a "problem" anyway.
and who exactly.
is it a problem for...?





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