Eyes4Guys

Personal hell & back again
2002-10-19 06:52:36 (UTC)

Old friends re-visited

This weekend is the weekend of the Mullet Festival, which
to me usually is a waste of time and money. But for some
reason, I decided that this year was a time to go because I
wanted to, not because anyone else wanted to. Something
made me really want to go when I knew that I had today off
and that it was going on this weekend. To those who know,
the Mullet Festival is pretty a much the place where the
local low-lifes and boggies go to have fun. But a lot of
people go, pretty much all the young community and all the
elders are the local fuck-ups who have nothing else better
to do with their time.

I dragged Nessa with me and had Steph meet us. The rest
(Tyler and Rob) came on their own, completely forgetting
that we would be here tonight. I don't think Nessa had a
good time, she was having one of her blah days, but I
really enjoyed myself. I stayed from 7:30 to about midnight
when the festival ended for the evening. It was dull at
first until Steph disappeared with John and we wandered
away on our own. I ran into Amy Johnson, whom I hadn't seen
for a while. Last I saw, she just found out she was
pregnant, but her baby is now 3 1/2 months old and so cute.
So I want off with her and she talked to me. It was nice to
catch up with her, though her friend Harley kept staring at
me with this 'I want you' look. I'm sure he was messed up
off of something, but it was just odd.

See, Nessa and I went and bought this really pretty rings.
they are reversible and sterling silver. I got an amber gem
and Nessa got a teal gem. But both of them have 9 little
gems (well I just found out I'm missing one, but that's ok)
that form a star. Though they aren't real, no one has to
know =). It looks like an engagement ring. I bought it as a
promise ring for me. Lately, I've been lonely and I'm
trying to forget the pain I'm in. I try not to think of the
distance at all and all the time I will have to go through
till I see Chris again. This will be a constant reminder
for me that I love him and that I will stick by him. Not
that I need a reminder. But we will get engaged. He wants
me to "wear the most beautiful ring that I can find." It
will take a few years, the ring I have a feeling that he
wants to get is really, really expensive. Both of us are
well aware of it. But he wants to do it. So this is a
promise ring for me. It will be replaced when we do
actually become engaged. We are. We are engaged, everyone
knows that our relationship is leaing towards marriage, but
there isn't a ring. It is de facto; we know it is said and
done without the words being said or a ring being
purchased. Besides, this way, guys will stop messing with
me. Except Harley was looking. Odd.....blegh.

Ok, well anyways. We talked, Amy and I. We talked about
Chris and I, her and Chase. The predicaments that both of
us are in and I got her number. I then saw Twerp (Wyatt)
and heard of his problem. He has a 5 month old son, he
didn't even graduate, and that he is trying to get a
divorce. He is 18. The mother of his child is Christina
Price. I have never liked her and talked mad shit about her
and why I didn't like her. We had a grudge against each
other, though I don't remember why, but he was a big whore
in my school and I didn't like who she was period. But Amy
and I kept walking and we ran into some people whom she
knew. I saw a girl and I knew I knew her from somewhere. It
was Christina Price. She was cute. She cut her hair short
and colored it black. But we hit it off. I changed my
opinion about her because she grew up. I'm told I shouldn't
like her, nor trust her, but maybe things are different
with them or maybe they just side with Twerp. I mean both
of them have changed. We all have. We all grew up. It is
scary to me really. But as always, my life is the easiest
(though I'm not complaining) but my problems always seem so
pety when I know they aren't.

I saw Cassie Albright, whom also has a child. He is 20 months, but
she's married. God everyone is having children. Either people are
pregnant, have children, or failures in life with the help of drugs.
That is what this place does to you. Whatever potential you have, it
diminishes with time. That is one reason I want to leave, but I love
this place, it is my hometown. I'm not any better. I've done drugs, I
was pregnant, I got peirced and tattooed. But I'm not as bad. A
tongue and a navel isn't bad and a mermaid on my back isn't either. I
could be a lot worse. I refuse to get to the level they are in.

Still, I had a good time, though all I did was walk around.
I saw a bunch of people who I never talked to but graduated
with. I didn't say anything to most, but it was interesting
to see who was still here, how they changed. Most haven't,
but a few have. Most not for the better, but a few I was
really proud of. I got to talk to a few people really, but
I enjoyed it a lot. I got news of people who weren't there
and how they were doing, like Laura Corolla, and such. Wow.
That evening actually meant a lot to me. I knew there would
be a reason for me to go, and that was why I really wanted
to go. I really enjoyed it and I was glad I went, that is
how my days off should be.

I saw Will, but he couldn't leave his station. Will is a
cop here in Niceville and was on duty. He is 4 1/2 years
older than I am, so he is about 24. At first his girl was
there, so he asked me to give him a few minutes and then
come back. But the way he looked, I knew his girl was
there. But we went there about 4 times in the evening to
talk to him. He wasn't allowed to leave at all. And he has
to do it again, a 20 hour shift. Fun. I invited him to the
apartment, but he said that he had to go home and go back
to sleep. I agreed. Perhaps I'll talk to him when the
weekend, and the festival, are over. I'm becoming closer
friends with him, whatever that means, but he's cool, and I
wouldn't mind to talk to him again.

Two nights ago, he came over. He was supposed to leave and
go home at 1:30, but he didn't leave till about 4:30. We
just sat in his car, the two of us, and just talked about
anything and everything. I enjoyed that conversation as
well. He wanted to talk more, so he just took me to his
place. I slept in his bed with him, both of us clothed, and
we talked some more. We established a lot that night. He's
cool and we get along fine. But we seem to want a fuck
buddy relationship. It might not happen, and it won't mean
a damn thing to us, but he's cool. I can't say that I trust
him yet, but he's becoming a close friend of mine, becuase
he is like me, but at the same time, the complete opposite.
But he woke me up at 8 to take me back to the police
station and told me to take his car and keep it at the
apartment. I don't know why, but I did. I just left a note
for Rob that his car is here and that he'd get it after
work. I wasn't about to argue with a cop at 8 in the
morning. He might slap the cuffs on me, then I'd really
have some explaining to do at work hahaha.

But now I'm home, wearing my new sweater and putting my new
eye shadows (gold and silver), my new opaque nail polish
(pearled with light blue) and my new lip gloss in the
bathroom. Overall it wasn't a bad day. I got my check and
acutally got it cashed though I didn't think it would
happen, actually shopped in Walmart without being scared (I
was arrested a year and a half ago for shop lifting and am
banned so if I'm caught back there...bad news) and then
pretty much went to the Mullet Festival.

I got to talk to Will for more than 5 minutes at a time
after all, he's drunk and driving home. Such a good
influence. A cop drinking and driving with two cases of
free beer in his car. Ha. He'll do it again tomorrow, but
he's staying at the comfort in tomorrow night, just to be
on the safe side. He wants me to stop by after work, but I
may not be able to. So I told him I'd call his cell when I
got off. Maybe I'll run by there. I may not be closing
drive thru at work, which means I'll be out by maybe 10:15.
I may not have to pay the $3 if it's late and I can talk to
him, maybe kill some time. He'll drink beer, I hate it, but
I'll kill time and talk to him. His girl inquired about me
when I called his name. That was all I did. "So who's
she?", "That's Rob's roommate". "Uh huh". Typical girl,
suspitious about any girl that smiles in the general
direction of their boyfriend. Oh well.

But for the time being, I'm listening to bands like
Thursday, Finch, and Coheed and Cambria. Really good bands.
Normally it wouldn't be my type of music, but since Chris
left, I'm trying anything to get my mind of my missing him.
It was for the best, because I'm finding a lot of new
things out about me. Mostly musical tastes for now, but
these next four years, I'll get to learn a lot about me.
Hell, Chris may even like these bands if I really like
them. He can tolerate anything now, and is liking more
bands now since the academy. And he's back after a 20
minute break. That must have been one long shower ha. But
then again, he has to walk a few minutes down these halls
just to get to a shower. So now, for the time being, I'll
talk to Chris till he goes to bed. He's up awfully late,
it's almost two here, which means it is almost one a.m.
there. He should be in bed. If he goes, I'll probally
follow. I have to get up early and drop off my applications
in San-Destin and go to work. I'll probally clock in early
just to do so. I won't have anything else better to do.

Regardless of whatever happens, I love Chris. That is my final
thought. Nothing, and I mean nothing, could ever change that. I'll
make mistakes in the next four years, but you learn from your
mistakes. Some I am willing to make, others I won't, some will just
happen.I love him. I've never allowed myself to ever say that before
because it wasn't true. But I still think I'm too young, at 19, to be
in love. I think he's too young to be in love too, his 18th birthday
is in two weeks (though he just turned 17 when he told me he loved
me. Big smiles!). But it is true, despite my age and my niave outlook
on life, I am in love with this man. So no matter what choices I
make, he makes, we make as one, I won't ever stop loving him.

But ah, well, on that note, I'm gonna head out of here and actually
sleep so I can get up at a decent time to drop off applications for
the dreaded second job. Toodles.




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