the random confessions of a teenager
Shock. Just utter and complete shock. I'm numb right now. I
mean, from what Ben told me, it was inevitable, but to hear
it actually happened? And so soon..... I can't believe he
broke up with Tammi. I mean, Ben and Tammi were the
*ultimate* couple. They'd been through so much together and
always managed to come out stronger than before. But not
this time, I guess. I feel so selfish now though, because
I'm thinking about how weird it's going to be at the
kickoff dance on Sunday. I mean, Tammi is one of my best
friends, and to hear that Ben broke up with her without
warning, of course I'm there for her, listening to her and
everything. But at the same time, I'm wondering, how am I
going to be able to spend any time with Ben without feeling
guilty. Or shit, without feeling like I'm free to kiss him?
But I dunno, I don't like him anymore, but part of me will
always see him as the guy that said I was his "first USY
love," and that's just so sweet. But him and Tammi? They
were suppose to last past USY. I mean, I've never heard
Tammi this upset before, and even though we hated each
other when we first met, we've become such good friends.
But I still can't help but be a little selfish. I mean, I'm
inviting them both to my sweet 16, and they're both among
the group of kids invited to sleep over (pretty much all
the USYers are) and it'll probably be so awkward.
I just can't believe he did it. And so close to kickoff,
too. I understand that he wants to be "free" at the dance,
but Tammi might not even go now.
It's just...... I feel so helpless, so torn.
Current Mood: G-d.... just.... helpless... at a loss for
Current Music: Bowling for Soup "SoHo"