SexyCng757

NeNe's..
2002-10-19 00:41:43 (UTC)

Ready for something new?

I think I got this journal so that I wouldnt have to write
in mine every night.. because I sometimes forget. Or im too
tired. Most of my stuff is about my love life. or.. my..
life that revolves around guys. thats what this journal is
going to be basically about. guys..
well.. Jay.. Im real happy with him. I think that if he
didnt hang out with his best friend Brad so much, that he
would be the TOP greatest guy. but he does, and whenever he
does, he either smokes or drinks, and hes so different with
me.. a whole different person. But with brad.. hes another
person.. hes the type of guy that I would crush on, but
never hook up with.. and im dating Jay.. and IM really
happy that I am.. He turns 19 this sunday.. I think it
really bothers him that I dont drive. I wish I did already.
Only 3more months I hope. I think we would be a WHOLE lot
closer if I drove.. with his truck not working and all.. or
whatever.. I dont know. I know that he cares about me.. he
really shows that,whether hes with brad or not.. but I just
wish that he would lay off the weed.. just a little.

Josh.. well.. the First guy I ever really loved.. although
I have no idea why. Well.. since he lives a little ways
away, I hardly see him, except whenever he drives over here
to say hey to me. Its werid seeing him, and not kissing
him, and huggin him and telling him I love him.. but all
those things are different now. I dont love him like that..
well I least I dont think I do.. Am I just making myself
believe that I dont love him? Or.. do I not? I wish I could
figure that out. I do know that I will not give him another
chance.. hes had plenty. He has 3years of my life. Thats
all hes getting. We are friends, and I wont let him make ME
feel guilty.. hes the one that cheated on me.. not the
other way around.. do you think that since its been alomst
a year, i shouldnt be thinkin about him? well I mean I do
still see him every once in a while.. its weird though..
strange.. I wouldnt say that im confused. Im not. I know
who I want to be with. I want to be with Jay. He treats me
real good, and I feel something developing.. I feel it..
and its weird to feel something after so long.. for another
person. But I like it, and I hope that IM with him for
along time.. this weekend im meetin the whole family..
thats a big step in itself.. after all, he already knows
all mine, and we have been dating over a month. I think its
about time. Im real happy with him.. I just hope that hes
as happy.

Well.. so know you know everything thats going on with
guys.. I have a past with Josh, and thats exactly what its
going to stay as.. but for some reason.. I havent exactly
let all the way go.. I know how, but I need to talk to him,
and tell him. and I havent talked to him in a while. As
soon as I do.. my heart will be free.. at last. And I have
a future with Jay. That brings me real happiness. He does.
I just dont wanna get hurt.. please dont let me get hurt
again Jay.. I believe you when you say that you wont hurt
me.. just prove it to me.




Ad: