mental illness, yes it is real..

Now What ????

I am not talking to you,because you dont hear what I tell
you.I am sick of hearing your self pity.All I did was ask
what date you think would be better,but of course you took
like a rejection,like u do anytime I say anything.If by now
you dont believe how much I love u,then u will never
know.You ask when can you be happy,well I want to know when
can I work on my issues so I can get better.I am barely
hanging on and all u think about is yourself.Maybe you dont
believe how depressed I am,maybe u dont care.I cant ride
this rollercoaster anymore.Its better if we just dont talk
because we work things out,I get happy for a few days,and
then u pull the withdrawal thing.Like I said in my diary,I
dont know where to turn now,because like they say I cant
live like this,but I cant live without you.So maybe it will
just be down to who gets the courage to do themselves in
first.That is sooooo sad.I dont know what else to
say,becuae like I said you dont hear what I tell you,and
you dont believe I love u,so what is the use?

***-- that was lisa's reply to my latest posting. She
thinks I dont love her ????? If i didnt i woulda been outta
the picture a long time ago. I am just holding on myself,
andI think I am doin a great acting job at makin others
think that all is well in my life. If everyone knew the
truth, id already be in padded cell. I am tryin my best for
lisa, and for all of the kids , but when is it going to be
good enough for everyone ?
All I am askin for is for everyone (my kids, lisa's kids, &
Lisa & I ) to be happy. Is that ever gonna be possible ???
or is it gonna be like lisa said, we will see who does
themselves in 1st. Will someone please help ???????????