Life according to Luvie..
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2002-10-18 14:58:30 (UTC)

Some weird things

Dear Diary,
Sorry I was gone so long. I was in a mental hospital for
like ever. It's okay. I don't want to die anymore. I know
my previous entry was on the brink of my break down. I
think that's funny now. I am on medication now called
Lexapro. It works wonders. I haven't had it in a day and I
can feel the difference.

I am not choosing to not take it. It's just that the
pharmacies here don't have that medication until later
today. I feel the anxiety in me. It's really bad. I went to
a game last night. It was so much fun. Everything tried to
bring me down, but I didn't let it get to me. I'm glad. I
had therapy in the hospital, and it helped.

H-A-L-T. That stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. They
told us those are the things you try to prevent when you go
out in the real world. I haven't eaten yet. That's bad. But
it'll be okay. I don't mind. I will eat something next
period. I'll force myself. I need to be healthy.

Currly and me are going to start jogging now. Which is
great because I need to keep exercising. I'm losing weight
and I'm happy. Not really weight. Somehow I still weigh the
same, but my clothes is starting to fit better. I'm losing
inches. It's all very great.

Another thing they taught me in the hospital's okay
to be mean to guys you don't want to be with because I have
to take care of myself. Isn't that sweet? So now I told
Casteel and Jaime that Charlie is for me. I'm not even letting
Kyle get to me anymore. :-D So yay!!

Great thing that has happened since I got home: me being me
again. It's been a long time. I can't believe I have this
great feeling inside me. It's called satisfaction with
life. Now about Charlie. Well...he finally got a job, and
he is going to start school in the spring. I asked him back.

We had like a four and a half hour long discussion. We are
together, and I'm happy. I'm upset that he thought of the
future when I leave to college. It is something I didn't
want to think about. He made sense in what he was telling
me. I think I'll just not be with him. I mean if I see him
struggling then I'll let him go.

I guess we're living out my wish. But it's both our wishes.
with the risk.'s going to be hard. I never
said it would be easy, but it is worth it. I love
him, and he loves me. It's something beautiful we have. I
guess I will talk to him later. He starts his first day
today. I'm so proud of him. And of me.

Finally life is going the way we always wanted it to go,
and we're walking alongside it together, yet seperated in
our lives. Wow. Who woulda thunk it?
Love always,