Someone

My problems.
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2002-10-18 02:33:56 (UTC)

Do you know that feeling?

Do you know that feeling of being in love? I used to.
April seriously loved me and I truly think I loved her
back. She was the ONLY person to ever make me feel
good at all times of the day. She made me feel like I
was important, and that I actually mattered. She never
mad fun of me or called me names. She called me
considerate, nice, sweet, all those great things. Why I
fucked all that up because I wanted to act better around
my friends God only knows. I mean wow. It's really
hard to explain exactly what I wanna say here, but I'll try
for you.

I haven't talked to her since God nows when. I guess I
just stopped caring but wow, I really do miss that
feeling. I mean I am almost in tears right now thinkin
about how she made me feel. I don't know how to say
it. Words can't describe that feeling she gave me. It
was pure emotion. I remember talkin to her on the
phone and I would always ask her why she liked me
and usually people can't give you answers, but she
gave me answers that I really loved hearing. She told
me she liked me because I was funny, sweet, honest,
not like everyone else, different, caring, loving, etc. I
mean I talked to her for 9 hours one night. From 10:00
P.M. Christmas Eve --- 7:00 A.M. Christmas Day.

I remember her talkin on the phone about wanting to
kiss me. And I always asked her why she would wanna
kiss a freak like me. She told me because she just
wanted to and whenever I curled my lips she just
wanted to knibble on them. I remember our first kiss
too. I was waiting after school chillin' with her and she
was about to get on her bus and she ran back and gave
me a kiss on the lips. It felt so good because I knew
then that she really did like me a lot. But alas I fucked
that up so bad.

I really want to get ahold of her again but I am so
freaking scared. I mean I REALLY miss the way she
treated me. She treated me like NO one else has ever
or will ever, ever again. She made me feel LOVED and
WANTED in a way that nobody else really could. I
mean I don't know if I'd wanna take back what I did
because know I'm here. I mean God, Olivia told me
she'd find April for me. But I guess I am really scared. I
mean I'm just scared that maybe she will be really mad
at me and that I dunno.

I just really really really really really really really really
really really really really really really really really really
really miss that feeling of being loved. I guess I'll have
to wait for it to catch up with me again.

-Someone


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