love and sex and miss-matched socks
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2002-10-17 22:49:42 (UTC)

back for the sex

Went out with josh last night. supposed to be just an
innocent movie... turned into us going back to his place
for a night of akward and unusual sex. i am not sure what
we are technically. eachothers booty call when we need
someone to count on... or actually something more
meaningful. i just dont know. I slept over at his place and
was late for class this morning... the result being me
speeding and getting pulled over and getting a 4 point
ticket and that being the cause of my being even later. no
need to mention my psy prof wasnt very happy with me. sooo
bad night... bad day... when is it going to go good? i know
that there will never be anything emotionally well between
josh and i... things went sour and theres no recovering
it... but the way he kisses me... its different than anyone
else... and the way he smells... i missed the smell of his
naked body... deodorant... or his everything. i miss him in
general... and i know i will never have all of it back...
but while i have the chance will it hurt to just pretend??
to hug him while he is there and kiss him while he allows
it... and have the sex and the love that we used to have,
now... when it is most real... and means so little to
either of us?

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