2002-10-17 21:31:17 (UTC)


Boy, I've really screwed up. I dumped Andrew. We were
having a weird conversation that left us at, "well, what do
we do now." And so I broke up with him, of course over the
phone and by telling him that I only wanted to be friends.
What a bitch I am! He and I were practically perfect, yet
I wasn't happy. And now, i want him back. I know that is
impossible and shouldn't happen and I don't deserve him.
He had told me he was falling in love with me. And I
freaked. I finally figured it out today, I was afraid that
he would love me and what would I do. And right now, at
this very moment, I don't love him, but I miss him. I
know! The whole time we were together I hated it! But now
I hate it. Seriously, I must have some insane problem with
myself. Why can't I let myself be happy. I mean now, I
can dream about Jeff all I want, and be single, and flirt,
blah blah blah. Truthfully, though, I am happier, and I
think the only reason that I feel bad is because I know
that he's upset and we can't be friends again. I don't
deserve that, figures. And I honestly don't want a
boyfriend again, for a long time. If Jeff asked me out, I
don't know what I'd say. Of course instinct would tell me
yes, because I have liked him forever, but would I really
want to ruin a potential friendship like that? Who knows.
Anyway, just had to write everything down and get it out of
my head. Doesn't matter if it makes sense. Later