A Deeper Kind of Slumber
2001-08-04 21:19:47 (UTC)

two to too

well... that last was more of a description than anything..
so i thought i'd make it up to myself and put something
more... er.. ?important? in here

-yawns and stretches- i work too much.. and i think i might
be slipping into a manic phase (down) and its not fun...
feeling so fragile at a time like this... i dont know...
i'd liken this feeling to standing on the edge of a
thousand foot cliff and just knowing someone's going to
come along and push you off... any minute.... eh. I take 50
mg of Prozac daily to quell such disturbances, but it is
inevitable that sometimes, though less severe, and less
frequent, they will occur.


My second cousin, who I would say I was very close to in
the past, was struck by lightning and killed wednsday in
Okinawa miliary base, Japan, was revived, and now lies in
comatose with about a 10% chance of reviving... I don't
know how to feel about it... it's friday now and it still
stings... i can't deal with things like this. Too many
people around me have died... im scared, i guess, that i
may stop caring about it sometime... and that is chilling.
My Biological mother died of breast cancer when i was 9
years old... I'm 17 now (incase you couldnt do the math
from the last submission) my father remarried wheni was
11... and my stepmother and i get along great. my
grandparents on my father's side died when i was 12(within
two months of eachother), then my natural mother's father
died the next year, and her mother when i was... 15...
stepmother's father was dead before i was ever born, but
her mother died when i was 13... two weeks ago an
aquaintance and customer of the store i work at/manage was
murdered violently.

and a few others less closely connected with me. but its a
lot of death to see in one lifetime... i feel so terribly

i revel in the challange of different experiences and
different, new people, if they'll give me a chance. I'm
slow to make judgement on a person's character, but have a
harsh sense or right and wrong.

Hate me if you will. Love me if you are brave enough to
endure. I have no sway over your own judgement of me.

"I am old..
Older than any who may gaze upon me..
Gaze upon me,
ye fiery dragon of wrath,
I standeth still, unarmed,
yet ye cripple and burn before me.
Challenge my power, mighty wizards..
I standeth still, no weapon to defend me..
cast yer spells,chant yer incantations..
Yer power and glory,
will cripple and burn before me...
Friend, come to me..Open yer arms,
and embrace me if you can..
Love me if ye are insane..
Yer body shall sparkle and burn..
Before me, yet still I standeth..
How terribly old I am..
I challenge no one..
Yet I kill all in sight..
I have destroyed angels in the sky,
worms in the earth..
Cities have sundered underneath me..
I burn.
I am old."