xJaYdEnx

XNo_StaRLeTTe_x
2002-10-17 02:37:56 (UTC)

*wHy cAn'T i LeArN mI LESsOn?*

my mind has been so blank lately...my life is a routine
thing now..theres nothing exciting...about anything...the
silence sets in and the darkness creeps over and i begin to
think if i was ever meant to feel anything.....i begin to
wonder if what i've felt before was real...or just me
trying to feel a certian way....the thoughts that begin to
cloud my mind are not thoughts but feelings of confusion
and despair...

quote juliet.."my one true love sprung from my only
hate"...thats the way i feel....i'm so caught up in this
whole matt thing that i really think that its going too
far...and as for evin right now i'm so pissesd off at him
that i'm actually considering breaking up with him....but i
won't till i talk to him about what *******just told
me....evin's a slut and i know that.....i figured that out
a long time ago...and i was ok with that b/c i never dated
him....well...i started to develope a huge crsh on him and
he always flirted with me while he was dating
rebecca....and i liked it...but i never went too
far....well when we started talking he promised me that he
would never do anything to hurt me.....then he fucked my
best friend in the entire world while i was at the party
with him.....i forgave him....but then we started dating
and he still flirts like crazy....but....i can deal with it
i flirt a lil bit as well....but all my friends know that i
joking...but evin took it too far this time....he cheated
on me again...and again with one of my really favorite
ppl...

i guess that i was never meant to truly be loved....i take
that back..andy really loved me apparently more than
evin...and i let that all go..b/c i was spoiled and wanted
something more.....evin i hate u right now with all of my
heart but u won't know until i talk to u about it...i know
its true.....******** wouldn't just lie to me about
that...no one cares about me...then whats the point of
living....i base my life off of being cared about by
ppl....b/c i never really had a caring family...no one that
really cared...and i don't want to live a lonely life and
die alone.....but things keep going like they are....it'll
be a very short....sad lonely life....l8er
xQuAzzIx
:c.a.r.m.e.n:




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