starry nite

my own world
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2002-10-16 22:27:20 (UTC)

shitty day

today was a fucking shitty day.its raining and really
cold, and we had to go to the river for lab and do stupid
shit outside, even though it was raining then too. then
when i met up with kayla, she said she wasnt going to the
show anymore. i am fucking depressed really badly now. i
was fine when i thought i couldnt go to the show before,
but then after i talked to kayla last nite, and we planned
on going, i was happy, and looking forward to it. i asked
if she wanted to ride with me to the show sunday but im not
gonna go out of my way for her. if she calls me then she
can go, but im not gona track her down to do her a favor. i
told her if she wanted to she could, so she knows its an
option, now she can get ahold of me. im not gonna go out of
my way for someone thats blown me off twice. i wanna cut, i
want to slice my wrists realy badly. im trying hard not to,
but its really difficult. i have a huge test tomarrow and
its gona be so hard, the teacher even said so, ive been
studying but i dont know if i will know enough to do well.
i hope so. damn it. im such a fucking worthless piece of
shit. i just want to die. i like this kid at school, i dont
know why. i dont even know the kid, only said hi and stuff,
besides that ive never talked to him. never actually had a
conversation with him. he just seems like he is a realy
cool guy. like he'd be fun to hang out with. he has a class
across the hall from my science class (well, diagonally
across), at the same time my class is,. and hes always
there early, sitting there outside waiting for it, and im
almost always early as well so i see him like twice a week,
every week. i was going to talk to him, like say more then
hi, but he wouldnt want someone like me anyway. why would
anyone want to be with me? i am fucking nothing. sorry....i
dont have anything better to write, im just really down
right now.

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