Timothy

Jack's Twisted Kingdom
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2002-10-16 20:58:37 (UTC)

sex, lies & dreams of tomorrow...

So, I lied to her..

My Goddess of the Sky.. she came over last night..

I told her, I was okay... that it was nice, that we could
still be friends, and she asked me if she could come over
once in awhile.. for sex of course...

she told me she and her bf are not getting back together...
He's too distraught or some bullshit... and he made the
first moves to get back with her.. probably because she
told him she was going to keep the baby...

she lied to him..

she's was going to make up some story about have had a mis-
carriage...

One lie leads to another, and another and ultimetly, you
just get fucked... so why do we lie? because it's easy...

I don't know... I used to lie all the time... now, I am a
little too honest with people... sometimes... I don't like
hurting people... I don't want them to feel bad... or not
like me... heaven forbid that should happen..


Sigh...

So, just 20 minutes ago, she left, after we had sex.. she
told me, she wouldn't be able to for awhile... and she just
wanted to feel something other than the hurt she was... And
I have to admit... it was the same for me...

maybe, I mean, okay, so I am probably fooling myself here,
but.. maybe... it might help...

yeah she ripped my heart out... but I almost wonder, if
thats just something I needed... yeah, and I need to put a
gun to my head too...

not...

ah well... so I lied to her again...

I told her, I would be busy for the next two weeks, but if
she wanted, I would go with her to the abortion clinic...
Not the first time I've been to one... Nor do I suspect
will it be my last...

I am hoping however, that it's not mine.. I might put up a
brave front and say "hell yeah, lets go"... but I am not
ready to put that to the test... not yet...

Heh,

I got an online hug, from my friend Venus... that was
really, really nice... I feel much better now, even though
it's not a real one...

it's the thought that counts...

Well, I am off to work...

Trudging through and hoping it will not be a bad workies
day...

~T~


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