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2002-10-16 18:35:21 (UTC)

Feel like Crap

Today when I woke up I felt like Crap. I had a headache and
it was a bad one I nearly didn't go to class. I need focus
in my life. Lately I have felt like a drone.
I just broke up with my boyfriend, we were together for
five years. I loved him. I miss him. I am also a bit horny
witch doesn't help getting over him. Whatever.
I went to see Rules of Attraction, that was a good movie I
want to get my hair cut now and do some drugs, and have
meaningless sex. I wont do any of those things, to much
self respect. my self respect is stressing me out. I don't
want to do drugs because they make me flighty. whenever I
have smoked pot I couldn't tell if I was talking out loud
or just thinking, I don't know if that is normal but it is
weird. Smoking pot has always relaxed me, but they when the
high went down I would be worried about what I had said to
the people I was with. my thoughts are weird enough to me I
don't need other people thinking that I am crazy. so thats
why I don't do drugs. I don't drink B/C both of my parents
are alcoholics so I have the trait for alcoholism(and I can
hold my liquer good). and meaningless sex well I don't want
to catch anything, so , well condoms. but I don't know
anyone that I want to do it with. I thought that finding a
new beau would be a cinch after we broke up but it isn't.
all the guys I think are nice either don't seem to notice
me or they "loose" my number. all the guys that do notice
me are idiots. drugdealers like me. and ughhh.
for example: one guy sits down next to me on the bus and
"how you doing?"
"fine." I look a way to showthat I don't care how he is and
that I am uninterested in him. he's not cut and he was just
on the back of the bus talking about his babie mother and
he wasn't saying very nice things.
so then he says to me,
"where you headed, work?"
"you stay with your parents?"
"no." I am a bit snappy with this one.
" oh, you live with your man then."
Okay there are few things wrong with this last bit, first,
what do I look like telling him all my business like who I
live with, I live alone and I don't want strange men
knowing that I am a young woman living alone especially not
men i meet on the bus in the middle of the night. second,
why does he assume that I have to live with someone why
can't I live alone I wonder what this means that people
especially men always assume that I live with my parents or
my boyfriend It never occurs to them that I am independent
and don't need no man.
the point to that story is that the men who approach me are
and when I like a guy I am not afraid to make it known
because they may like me but be to shy or scared to
approach me, and still I get nothing.

Rules Of Attraction was a very good movie.