Endless abyss of nonsense and sorrows
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2002-10-16 06:50:59 (UTC)

Oct. 15

Im such a horrible person.. Ive been plastering up masks to
hide my true self to many people... i understand that...
that isnt so bad, and I dont do that much any more... but
what Ive done that really bothers me, is that, Ive lied to
people, tell them that "bad" things have happened to me,
just to get some sympathy and comfort... i manipulate
conversations with guys to bend them to say what I want
them to... I know, your thinking, "she cant overpower the
minds of guys".. but think about it... If I say, "im
horrible, im ugly, and vile" a good guy would
automatically tell me that i was wrong and compliment me...
i just manipulated that guy. I dont do it with people that
I am really close to though.... my main friends... but new
people... I lie. I feel so bad and ashamed for it that it
isnt funny. Im sorry to anyone that I have yelled at. In
truth the only real trageties that have happened in my life
is my dad dying, my brief involvment in drugs, which didnt
evolve into much more than my friend bitching me out and
making up a story that she walked in on me doing some weird
stuff like comitting suicide, me attempting suicide, and
my fair amount of heartbreaks over the years... other than
that, nothing has much happened. Until last year or so, i
have been invisible. No one paid attention to me, or
anything... the past couple years I got a few more
friends.. which is good. Im so sorry if I lied to you...
Im going to go now, i have to sleep... I just thought i
would add that in.

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