Why Me?
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2001-08-04 03:21:45 (UTC)

Am I "depressed"?


I hate feeling lonely. Feeling used. Feeling scared of
things lurking in shadows. All of it. Sometimes I wonder
if I'm actually crazy. Or at least clinically depressed.
However, I don't know if I qualify. Certainly, I'm
"depressed" as in sad. And the feeling is rather constant.
But am I "depressed" as in take some prozac and be happy?
I don't know. I might even be manic depressive - major mood
swings (uh-huh. yep) and extreme highs and lows (*raises
hand*). Who knows? I doubt anyone could help. Anyway,
it's probably just this whole teenager thing. Right, Diary?
ANYway, I can't WAIT for school to start! I don't want
to see all those familiar faces that have so often scorned
me and that I bear with much tolerance, but the thought of a
routined-life! Oh, sure, I hate routine, but these
monotonous hot days get old. I wish it were a three-month
WINTER break! Now, THAT would be cool! I hate the summer.
It's not exactly the best depressed-people weather. Plus,
I always hold out on a hope that a new, quiet, smart,
perfect guy will show up and I will meet him before all the
preps have a chance to corrupt him. We will, allegedly,
fall in love and be "happy" for ever after. Ha! THAT's
gonna happen real soon! But, Diary, it can't hurt to dream.
I'm bored. I think I will discuss, briefly, my few
longterm goals, in random order:
1) get the hell out of flatwoods
2) tour europe
3) learn to fluently speak French, Italian, and German
4) become a novelist
5) win a pulitzer (or nobel) price and rub it in everyone's
faces who said I couldn't make it (especially my 6th grade
english teacher who said my writings were too morbid..)

Well, that's basically it, Diary. I also want to live in
Maine, but that goes with number one - get the hell out of
flatwoods. So, Diary and Readers that may or may not be
there, I love ya and I'll see ya'll later.