The land of unknown
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2001-08-04 03:20:44 (UTC)

Long for

today was nothing unusual, of course. i did get a
chance to talk to Lyz online. this time we had a real talk.
lately we were having short discusions, but we got back
to a lot of wierdness. but we also got to talk about other
things like, she told me what some of my friends have
been doing. and she wrote a diary entry in the middle of
us talking. and then we talked about it a little, but mainly
some other, deeper issues. cuz she has a boyfriend
and all and she always says how great it is to have him
and how lucky she is. and then i was saying that it must
be nice to have some one to hug, hold, and talk with,
and share thoughts with. and she said she didn't really
care for the mushy stuff. and that she's probably the
only one with that opinion. i said that i might, if only i
had experience to have an opinion on relationships. a
little known fact about me is that i have never once had
a relationship. probably, cuz when i have a crush on
some one, i'm very hessitent to say anything. and Kitty
was actually the first attempt. but of course, my first time
asking some one to be with me, i fall flat on my face.
but Lyz said before to me that relationships aren't really
all they are cracked up to be. and they are just a good
friend that u can be closer to then others. well, if it is
just a friend i can be close with, i don't care, i want it.
she said she liked the single life, well i'm tired of it. it
got old and then died of old age. I'M 16 FUCKING
BY NOW, RIGHT?!?!?! hell, i managed to meet some
one really great online but my personality apparently
didn't keep interest, and i sure as hell know my looks
won't strike any one's fancy. i'm fucked. my personality's
not good enough and my looks are probably a negative.
it's no wonder i've never had a relationship. but i long
for some one to be with. some one to hold close to me, and
to love and be loved. at the rate i'm going, i'll be doing
good to have had a girlfriend by 26. life's a bitch that
fucks us all.