mary10

Anastacia
2001-08-04 01:38:11 (UTC)

Contemplation

I am soon to be thirty years old and have been married for
three years. I have been with my husband a total of seven
years.

I am a walking hormone right now and have been for awhile.
I constantly want to have sex. My husband is an
unbelievable lover, but I am finding that the sex is not
enough.

Its not that I need a weak, sensitive overcaring man, but I
would like some small percentage of those qualities. I
married a man's man. Burps, spits, plays sports alot,
watches sports, listens to Tom Likus and watches the Man
Show. It is all disgusting and so anti-woman.

I was 23 when I met my husband and it is fair to say that I
was somewhat naive to the similarity between females and
males that is usually noted in stereotypical discussion. I
was a wild girl who slept with many men and always viewed
them as sexual items. The few relationships I did have were
with men that do not fit that stereotypical, butt
scratching, sports watching idea.

I met my husband at a time that I was calming down and was
happy to settle down, or so I thought.

The biggest issue at hand right now is that I feel my wild
streak coming back in full force and I want to do things
that my husband is way to conservative for.

I want to get another tattoo (I have one that my husband
would like me to get lasered off. I want to get a
motorcycle, go hiking, be adventourous. My husband just
looks at me like I have lost my mind.

Now I find myself wanting someone who is willing to not be
a man's man all the time.

I am pretty sure that what I want is the ability to be with
a guy or guys and not have to deal with the man stuff at
all. Maybe if I just perpetually date and not live with a
man I would be happy. Who knows?

These are the type of questions I ask myself right now.

Do I just subdue my cravings? Do I leave?

Am I meant to be married to anyone?

I find myself increasingly flirtig and thinking about other
men that I have contact with.

Ironically enough, there are two men in my life now that I
have contact with in one form or another that have the same
initials of M.C. I am attracted to both for very different
reasons. One is practical and the other is pure sex.

One owns his own company and is a few years older. Blonde
hair, blue eyes, single and extremely wild. I know that he
would rock my world and would probably do it in his Lexus
or on his Harley. Its funny that I am attracted to the
stability as much as I am the wildness of the motorcycle. I
meet him for lunch every once in a while. The first time
was obviously for business and we just hit it off. I have
seen him two more times since than and we continue to hit
it off.

Nothing sexual has been discussed, but I can feel it
boiling over. I think the next lunch appointment will lead
to something. Actually, I cancelled the last appointment we
had, because I had this feeling that something was going to
happen and that I was goiong to get caught.

The other M.C. is five years older, single, and is
amazingly gorgeous. I am completely smitten over him and
have been for a few years. He is on a sports team that I am
involved with. He is 6'3", 217 lbs. (I like big boys),
brown hair brown eyes, tan, casual and laid back. He loves
to read books and watch movies as I do.

I constantly find myself able to discuss things with him. I
feel this bond that sometimes causes me to get nervous
around him and stumble on my words like a schoolgirl.

I hang on his every movement when he is around. I notice
every detail about him. The wrinkles around his eyes, his
unbeleivably sexy smile. He has got the sexiest dimples I
have ever seen. It literally makes me shudder when he
smiles. I notice every muscle in his thick legs. The slight
limp he has on the right side, from what I am not sure.

Lately, I find myself upping my flirting with him to a new
level. I take any opportunity I can to touch him. I breathe
in deeply if he is near me to see if I can smell him.

I daydream constantly about him. I so want to be next to
him in bed and caress him. I want to listen to the songs
with him that remind me of him. I want to kiss him.I want
to make love to him so badly.

I am going to go now. I have all of these thoughts
swirling and just needed to get them out.