my so called life
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2002-10-15 12:47:10 (UTC)

Alone again

Back to reality.
Ben is now gone and I am once again left alone in my 12 m^2
room far, far away from everyone I know and care about.
Ok, I'm being dramatic. But that's the worst part about
living here.. the fact that no one KNOWS me. Of course, I
have made some friends here, but I've only known them for a
couple of months, so they don't KNOW me. I know that I just
have to wait, in time we'll become closer and they'll get
to know me. They'll never know me the way the people that I
have grown up with do, but that's just life. I'm just
saying that I miss to have someone around that knows me.
The person I miss the most, if I'm going to be completly
honest, is perhaps Lucy. I used to be able to tell her
everything, we had that kind of friendship where we talked
about the things on our minds. But the person that she
became this spring, is not the person I used to know and
love. Some people say that she's always been that person,
it's just that she doesn't treat me special anymore since I
don't always act the way she wants me to anymore. Also, I
think she is jealus of Ben. Silvia told me that Lucy thinks
I totally cut her off when I got together with Ben, but I
think that's unfair. Right up until we had this fight-thing
I didn't act any different. She started acting very strange
afterwards, and I gave up trying. Maybe I shouldn't have,
but she sure as hell didn't make it easy on me.
Oh well..
Everytime Ben leaves, I get homesick. I called Tiff last
night,and it was great talking to her. Evan has been gone
for about a month now.. It kind of makes me realize that
I'm pretty luckyafter all. I get to talk to Ben pretty much
every day and I get to see him about once every month. Evan
is in Chile, so it's expensive to phone him and he won't be
home till February. So everything is relative..

Well, having Ben here was GREAT. I keep falling more and
more in love with him, and the best part is that he seems
to fall more and more in love with me as well :)
He's been so nice to me these ten days, I can't believe how
lucky I am. When I got home from school Thursday, he had
cleaned my bathroom, dusted my room and made me dinner! :*
The other day we were watching telly. Since I have only one
room (!), we have to sit on my bed. Suddenly he rolled over
and got on top of me. He looked into my eyes and
said 'You're so wonderful'. We kissed and then he looked
into my eyes again and said 'I love you'. LOVE, not care
about. We've said it a couple of times before, but that was
truly perfect. I love him so much! :)
One time he said 'I love you' and I said it back, he
said 'You don't have to say it just because I say it. It's
ok if you don't'. 'Of course I love you!',I said. He asked
if I was sure, and I told him I've never been more sure of
anything in my life.
I l o v e him.

A week ago I had a midterm. Maths. It was a multiplechoise
quiz,and you got 3 points for every right answer, -1 for
every wrong answer and 0 if you didn't answer it. I scored
28 of the 36 possible points, which means I chose two wrong
answers. I've only heard about two persons that have done
better than me, so I'm pretty satisfied :)
Remember that it's actually possible to get -36 point.

Well, don't know what else to say..
I'll see Ben again in the middle of November, already
counting days..
Tomorrow he's going on this training-thing, so I won't be
able to talk to him for nine days :( That sucks, especially
since Monday (the 21st) is our six months anniversary. The
six best months of my life. Thank you, sweetie :)