Guava

kiss me, kill me, hold me, thrill me
Ad 2:
2002-10-14 19:45:20 (UTC)

I feel like shit

I don't feel well today. Part of it is I think I'm coming
down with something. The other part is I feel like shit
for having feelings for Dave.

I am not supposed to have feelings for him. Right now I
dread the time I end up telling him. I have decided I do
have feelings for him, but I don't know how strong. They
are just feelings so far. I feel like I have sinned
majorly. I have not acted on my feelings though. If I
did that would be the real sin.

What am I supposed to do? I cried for an hour last night
while trying to go to sleep. I felt like crying most of
today and almost did on my way to class.

I guess some would call this love, but for me it is a
terror. I have no clue what I am going to do. I want
this all to go away! I want life to be normal again.
That means going back to my Freshmen year in high school.
That was the last time I felt normal.

I didn't have a care in the world back then except finding
a boyfriend. That quest would take until my senior year
and that relationship turned out to be a total flop.

I'm going to invite Dave to come over and go picture
taking with me. I'll even buy him dinner at The Tav
afterwards. I bet he'll go for it. I just don't know
when it will happen.

I have a bunch of shit to take care of today. I have to
take a transfer down to have it done on a shirt, have some
film developed one-hour style and pick up a reading packet
for a class. I have to read the info by tonight, the
shirt is due tomorrow and the film I need ASAP.

I seem to do things at the last minute. I though I was
getting out of that habit. Looks like old habits do die
hard.


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