Jaded

the hands of time...

Diary,

Dammit. Life is so complicated. I wish I could just
rewind time and take it back to the points in my life that I
KNOW I screwed up. Maybe then I wouldn't be HERE (sorry, no
offense, Diary, you're actually becoming a big help) and
maybe then I would feel loved.
That's one thing that I haven't talked about to you,
Diary. My love life. Or should I say the lack thereof.
Okay, here's the condensed Erin-ized version: I have liked
only one guy - I like him for about 3 years (we never went
out and he never knew I liked him) and then he changed
radically from one school year to the next and I dropped him
like a bad habit. That's it. I've tried to convince myself
that I like this guy or that guy, but it doesn't work. I
guess I'll know when the "right" guy comes along, but
sometimes I doubt he will. To be honest, the only guys I've
ever even held HANDS with were friends! I'm fifteen and
never even had a boyfriend. Sad, eh? Oh well. It doesn't
bother me except for when I think - "God, I don't want to
die lonely, isolated, and a virgin!". Jesus, sometimes I
make myself want to laugh or cry. Or both. I figure I'm
just not pretty enough and then I'm GLAD I've never had a
b/f if all he would care about were my looks. Oh well. Or
maybe I'm not that ugly - maybe that's just something that
my little mind has told me. It might be...it just might be.
:) I just figure that everyone has the right to a true
love, no matter WHAT they look like!
Well, Diary, you've become a good friend. I bid you
adieu. And to my readers that may or may not be there, I
tell you good night and sweet dreams. Love you all!
-Eryn