kiss me, kill me, hold me, thrill me
2002-10-14 04:28:00 (UTC)

I found a new movie and new feelings

Ok, I have to re-tell this whole weekend. I haven't
written any of it yet so it should be new.

Dave was coming to surprise Mandy. He was still not
really talking to John. This made me mad and also made
Cal a bit more than mad, but I didn't know that when
Saturday started.

Dave said he would arrive around 11am. Shortly after that
Cal came over to my room asking if John and I could give
her a ride to Dave's car. He blew a spark plug. Anyway
we drove over to where he was which was just into town.
When Dave saw John's car he immediatly made a hand motion
and looked like he said a few choice words including fuck.

We brought Dave back here and got him a spark plug. We
then took him back to his car. He did a little talking to
John, but not a whole lot.

John and I brought Cal back here because she and Mandy
were going to do some shopping and drop by Mandy's house.
That would take them a couple hours at minimum.

Dave got his car going and came over to campus. He
surprised Mandy and I guess she shreiked really loud. It
sounded like it would have been hella funny to see.

Dave then called John's phone (good sign #1). They
decided to go to lunch. It was great to have Dave join
John and I. The conversation started off sort of slow.
Then things picked up and the two of them sounded almost
normal (good sign #2).

Dave and I were both drinking coffee. It's an all you can
drink cup of coffee for $1.30. They put a caraff on your
table and leave it. dave and I went through over 1 1/2 of
those. I had a grand total of 6 cups of coffee (3 sugars
and 1 cream in each cup).

Dave kicked me once under the table and pointed out a
little kid that was peaking over my shoulder. He then
joked about playing footsie with me under the table and we
all had a good laugh about it.

We stayed at the restraunt for about 2 1/2 hours (good
sign #3). From there we came back hung out here because
Cal and Mandy weren't back yet. That progressed nicely
and the guys got along great. They swapped
articles and were having a good time (good sign #4).

After a while Cal and Mandy arrived. Also my neighbor
across the hall came over and there were 6 of us in my
room. It was totally awsome!!! =) I made sure to wear my
baby doll tee shirt and hip hugging jeans. Oh, I wore red
undies too. It was so great! I know Dave must have

We all went over to Mandy's hall and watched movies in the
basement lounge. It was a lot of fun. The only problem I
had was Mandy and Dave sitting together. It was ok until
he started giving er a back rub. For no reason my stomach
was going nuts. I don't think it had anything to do with
the 6 cups of coffee.

My stomach was doing flips and freaking out about the
whole thing. I was jealous of Mandy. ME, I was FUCKING
JEALOUS of Mandy while I'm cuddling with John.

It was then that I realized that I have deep feelings for
Dave. I don't quite know what kind of feelings they are
yet, but I hope I can figure it out soon. They are more
than normal friend feelings I think. I have know that I
love him for a long time, but it has always been friend
love feelings. These were not feelings of being in love,
but they sure weren't the way they had been.

I didn't know if I wanted to rip her away from him or
shove my tongue down his throat. He took his polo shirt
off and was in only an undershirt after a while. It was
turning me on massivly.

I couldn't hardly sit still with Mandy there though. It
was so hard. I have never had feelings like that for
Dave...nor have I ever planned to.

I am not in love with him! I just don't know how I feel
about him right now. He is on a plane out of state
again. This time to Minnesota. That will only make him 2
hours ahead of me, not 3. I think I can handle that.

Cal is going to be gone this coming weekend. Mandy is
going to be busy on Friday night. I doubt Dave would come
till Saturday anyway. I hope he still does want to come.
I just don't want her around if we get drunk. I have no
clue how it will make me feel. I don't want to feel like

Also what if I blurt out something about having feelings
for Dave. I just hope it would be the truth. I don't
want to lie to him. If I have real feelings then I need
to say something. I need to figure out how deep they
really go. Then again if I do have feelings for him I
don't want to be alone with him when drinking.

I had a dream last night that he was working at a Radio
Shack. I was trying to find him, but his car wasn't
there. He was at a nearby apartment complex. I think I
found him and confessed some sort of feelings for him. It
was really strange.

I signed my last e-mail to him Mistress. He told me he
got a kick out of it. That was a great thing to hear. It
made me so happy! I want to keep going with it. I want
to find some things that are supposed to make a man really
excited that he can do to himself. Then I can tell him to
do them and he's getting as much pleasure as I am in just
ordering him to do it.

I am so happy that Dave and John are talking again! It is
amazingly wonderful!!!

Cal says she got pissed at Dave about the whole not
talking with John thing. She mentioned that I was sick of
it too. Also I think he might have been telling Mandy
about it so I think she was sick of it too. Cal made it
sound like she told him a number of girls were mad about
it. No matter what she said he came around. I wanted to
hug him so bad when he left today, but John was there.

Ok, on to the part you really want to hear. I found a new
Kevin Smith movie. I say new, but it's only new because
it was released in 2002. It was made in 1995. I has an
amazing cast of people.

It's called Drawing Flies.

The highlights are Jason Lee, Jason Mewes, Joey Lauren
Adams (cameo), Kevin Smith (cameo), Renee Humphrey, and
who can forget Scott Mosier. He has produced or co-
produced every Kevin Smith movie I can think of.

Tonight Comedy Central is showing their movie Porn and
Chicken. Dave asked Cal to tape it for him, but I am
going to do it. I don't think she remembered. I know she
doesn't know how to set her vcr to record at a certain
time. It requires the non-functioning remote I think.

I figure I'll tape the movie for him to show I'm thinking
about him. I'm sure he already knows that though. I told
him I think some women are hot for pete's sake. He knows
a lot.

I got to sort of spank John today. I was getting to move
his butt off my bed so we could go get dinner. It was fun
to spank him. I didn't get to do it very hard. That was
a bummer.

I must be really pathetic for having a guy that I totally
love and still kinda liking another guy. I just need to
figure out my feelings so I can go on with life like all
is normal. I guess that would be putting on a face
again. I don't want to have to be someone I'm not. So I
guess if that means telling Dave I might have feelings for
him then I might just do it.

I'm too chicken shit though. I know I could never tell
him straight out. I need to get some alcohol this week so
I can drink a bit one night and blurt it out. If I wait
too long he will be back in this state. That isn't a bad
thing, but it would be easier for me to tell him knowing
that he is far away. That REALLY makes me chicken shit.

Ok, I've written WAY too much tonight, but I had a lot on
my mind. Plus I didn't get to write last night with John
here and all.