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2002-10-14 01:39:58 (UTC)

i am a rock i am an island

ah...pedro time.

i have to pee but im not getting up.
instead i am sitting here printing out page after
motherfucking page of bullshit work that i will need to
have for the meeting that i have tomorrow morning with the
group i am in which i have never met.
fun shit dude. lemme tell you.

i saw ron tonight and it was good i love that boy.

i am chewing my hair and very happy about it.

i dont want to go to sleep and i dont want to go to school
tomorrow i want to go and do a bunch of drugs and fucking
forget that i ever tried to do anything.

why is nothing working out the way that i had planned it?
did i miscalculate something in this equation??
i do not understand.
a b is supposed to = c
not x

i am not optimistic at this moment.

my parents were passed out when i got home.
go fig, eh.

no hugs.
no good job hunny!
no, so hows emily?
no...so...ashley...are you really happy in your life...?
everyone is so busy being fucking concerned with
themselves that they dont even notice shit thats right in
front of their fucking face
and when you tried to point it out or explain
they dont even understand cuz they cant get passed

i am sick of living here i am sick of seeing them do what
they do it is dragging me down and i hate it.
and let me tell you, i am not one to be brought down

i just want to be somewhere else in some other time.
i want a happy memory to come back and i want to be able
to relive it.

i was happy at the park last night i have happy memories
there. a lot actually.

i want to make happy memories.
i want to feel loved.
i want to feel like even though the world itself is all
fucked up.
that everything is going to be fine because it has to be.
i want the people i care about to care about me
i want the people i care about to care if i dont feel
cared about
i want shit to stop sucking
i want people to stop being so fake and retarded
i want the hate to fade
i want the love to come flooding down on me
i want to be on emilys steps
i want make love.
i want my birthday to be happy cuz im scared its going to
i want to fly.
i want to eat ice cream and draw pictures for people.


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