~Mystic*Pisces~

Life, As I Know It
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2001-08-03 03:55:47 (UTC)

Intro -- Duction

Well, here I am. I swore to myself I'd never do it, yet
here I am. My thoughts and emotions emerge from my mind,
course through my arms, sweve through my hands, and spill
out of my fingers onto the keyboard. The only sound I hear
is that of the keyboard clicking away with every letter I
type. And the defeaning silence of my own thoughts.
Swimming around in my head, chanting in little mouse-like
voices...

"You'll never be good enough."

"No one likes you."

"You an ugly person, inside and out."

And other negative babble. I know that it is not true. I
know that I am a wonderful student, daughter, friend, and
all around person. My heart tells me I am, people love me.
My mind is screaming "No!"

And that, Diary, is the sole purpose of why you are being
written in. To help quiet those thoughts. To make their
voices so low than only the most delicate and sensative of
ears can hear them. Frightening thought: The voices and
ears are both my own, it is merely a matter of self control
and discipline. So many others do it, so why can't I? Why
can't I just do out with the bad, in with the good?
Because...well, that's what I'm hoping this Diary can help
me answer.

Of course...I always make things out to be bigger than they
really are. It could be my vivid imagination running
overtime. Things aren't really that bad. *Sigh* I'm
confused now. I'll hope to get an entry in tomorrow.

Signing out,
A.


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