NikkinSamz

Mind Gone Blank
2002-10-13 09:29:52 (UTC)

sitting here.

still: 10/13/02, Now, 5:16A.M.

Hey~~~~~~~~(blank,no name, or w.e) It's Nikki, i do belive
Sam has passed out on the couch and i can't type because i
am seriouly tired...i just finished writing a 4 page letter
to my close "FRIEND" Josh who is best friend of my X, well
just recently i found out he has feelings for me and we are
such close friends that i had felt the same way for a while
before he decided to tell me(I did not plan on telling him
because i knew i did not feel serious enough yet to do
anything about it but then he had to open his mouth) It's
horribly uncomfortable the way things are going between us
now we revealed the fact that we (had, have) feelings for
each other. But i did not want to do anything about them
which he was quite unhappy about. Oh well if he didn't
understand i was convince he's not my true friend.
Everythings just akward ever since i screwed up. I screwed
up when i cheated on my X. But then again i don't belive i
did screw up because i am young and i take pride in what
inasence i have left (which tends to be not much anymore)
and if i would have stayed with him things would be way out
of hand by now. Then i go and tell Josh i have feelings for
him which i do but i know they are not serious enough to
make something of them. Then i go and fall in love with
~Adam~ we have only been togther for a few weeks but it's
like i don't even know it's like we have known each other
forever, anyways Josh isn't happy. But i am, question is do
i want my happiness or does Josh mean enough to me to ruin
it all. Sorry Josh but i want to be happy if you don't
understand how i feel then i guess you where never my best
friend like i thought you were.

Thanx i needed to *spill* (thats why i
want to call you spill by the way) i feel alot better now
hope Sam don't get p*s*e* about this entry. (i sencered
myself trying to lay off of swearing i know i sound goodie
tosho's but actually i donno) anyways i'm gotta get some
shut~eye talk to you later pe@ce ~*Nikki*~




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