my rant book
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2001-08-03 01:18:21 (UTC)

Am I fat?

Today I was hagning out on my fave web sites when all of a
sudden i started remembering what my familly used to say to
me, my mom would tell me i looked like i was pregnant, my
grandma who is about 200 pounds over wieght would say that
my mother was ashamed to go to the mall with me wearing the
kinds of clothes i wore with my kind of stomach. (these
where not hooker-style tops or tight, but just your normal
kind of t-shirt). I'm not what you would call fat but i
have an odd shaped stomach. Even if i eat healthy it
never goes away. I soon got into the habit of sucking in
my stomach whenever i talked to people. And then once i
got into my room, and i closed the door i would let it all
go. And finally breath properly for the first time that
day. My father is always on my case about sports and i
cringe when i think about my upcoming highschool gym
classes. For the junior high ones are bad enough. I have
asthma and my friends (who all just happen to be super
sports addicts)just don't understand why I don't want to
race with them to the store. They here my "pathetic"
breathing and they laugh. I get picked last for sports
teams, and you'd think this wouldn't bother me. That i'd
be used to it by now because its happened so many times.
But im not. I just walk to my team and get shunned out
with depression. It isnt that i cant do sports, its that
no one gives me a chance. My friends know i have asthma so
they would never pass to me even though they are supposed
to support me. This year, I will spend more time on school
work then anything. Last year i almost failed science, I
cant fail. Its bad enough having no real friends or a
boyfriend but if i have no friends, no boyfriend, and no
job. lol.

i wont let that happen,