sosad

SoSad
2002-10-13 01:28:56 (UTC)

lame

so i'm bored as all hell. hnnah is all twacked out and
writing a 3 page paper (forchristssake) and i'm bored
as hell. my hands hurt from sanding all day only to be
met with people asking me why i didn't check uot a
power sander. fucking pride that's why. or not. i don't
know. i hvae so much school work to do that its not
even funny but i'm not really in the best frame of mind
right now. i HATE and i mean fucking REALLY loathe
all of my classes. i can't wait til the end of the semester
but at the same time i know that if i hate them now than
it's only going to get worse. grrrrrrrrrrrrr that's gay and
i'm mad. my teachers are all te devil. i can feel myself
not working up to my potential but i guess that my mind
is jut everywhere but here. oh fucking well. i don't
know, i have been thinking about jason ludwick all day.
i think that it's because i had a dream with him in it and
i can't seem to shake it. why the hell would i be thinking
about that asshole when i have a perfect guy right now?
i guess i think that jason was just so unreal to me. and
i cheated on oter boyfriends with him. it's like he was
so forbiden or something. and he was old. he must be
like 25 now or something!! and he could be such a jerk
bit i liked him a lot. and for some strange reason i was
insanely attracted to him. i think that i sort of regret not
going to the concert that kevin invited me to. "yeah i
think that he'd really like to see you again" oooooooh
but i remember how much he hated the fact that i
smoked pot. mmmwahaha that was so crazy. just
cause he almost dies from some bad shit. but god he
was so sexy to me. his friend brian was such a
dickhead. i really hated that guy. he hated me too i
guess. MAN i wish my computer wasn't retrded. i'm so
tired of coming up here. it's annoying. i miss cody so
much hat it's just this numbnedd lying deep inside me.
and i don't know what's going to happen to us because
i can' ask him to move up here. i phsically can't. for
whatever reson. and i want to stay here because that
was the plan all along and i really want school to be
over and done with ASAP. if i go to school over the
summer, ad o the winter thing than i might even be able
to graduate early. would going to UNO be so bad for
grad school? can i wait that long? if i graduate early it
won't be so bad! but the thought of cody being at home
this summer just makes me ill. plus for some strange
reason i feel like he really likes my friend who is about
to break p w/ her boyfriend. i guess that's fucking
karma because i had a big ol' crush on him for while.
figures. but seriously, god i feel so untrusting hinking
of all the crazy senarios. but i am pretty sure he
wouldn't do that. the thought of him cheating on me is
terrible. wow, i think that if anything went wrong
between us than that wold be he end of my love life.
what would follow him? nothing. i have had bad
enough times getting over all of the morins in my past i
can't imagine tring to get over the actual love of my life.
than why am i trying to? i feel so crzy right now. like i'm
jus drifting through life. i can't decide what i want to do
and i'm so uncertain about things. WHY CAN"
EVERYHING BE PERfect?




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