Katherine

Kat Eyes
2002-10-12 22:27:49 (UTC)

october 12, 2002

not too much happening here. sry i haven't written for a
few days. things have been hectic. well, i don't have to
work today. i worked yesterday after school. things were
pretty crazy. and was really sore when i got home. its
nice to be home on saturday, but grandma's all depressed
about something and i realy don't want to have to hang
around here all day w/ her moping around. she'll just vent
on me and i'll get all pissed. so i'm trying to avoid that
by staying in my room. i have a math project i could
stat/finish. and i could clean out my back pack and clean
up the room. i'll start that in awhile. i talked to nick
yesterday. i had a really bad day yesterday too. we had the
fall sports rally at mhs, and it was ok. but they
played "eye of the tiger" and i flipped out. i thought i
was going to cry. i wonder i'm i'm becoming depressed.
maybe if i was then dad would let me move back to florida.
i'm listening to "my sacrifice" by creed. we used to listen
to this song all the time in lissa's suburban. and it'd be
blasting. i remember how i felt when grandma and grandpa
would call, and i'd feel abd for them, because i had so
much going on in my life and they didn't. now i know that
lissa and the kids are probably thinking about me that way.
that they're to busy to acknowledge dad and i. i don't like
that feeling. i hate living here. i hate the fact that both
dad and i live here now and neither of us are happy. i hate
the fact that i'm an honor's student and i'm not in any
honors class. and i'm not making any advances for my
future. where as if i was in florida, i would be working at
stradley field for my volunteer work, i'd be with nick and
i'd be preparing for my future. where now i'm stuck here in
dullsville and no one seems to notice that i exist
anymore.i've just been so out of it lately. i'm getting a C
in biology. the only C i've ever gotten was in driver's ed.
so i'm going to try and start studying for biology more.i
downloaded "sea of love" by the honeydrippers the other
day. it was supposed to be played at dad and lissa's
wedding. i told him that i downloaded it, and i played it
for him. he put on my earphons and blasted it. i mean i
went into the Tv room and i turned on the tv and i could
hear every word of the song. and dad's eyes welled up with
tears. i hope he comes to his senses and says we're moving
back. i don't give a shit if i have to live in an apartment
with him. i want to be with my friends and lissa and her
family. i also liked that fac that in florida, no one knew
my mom. or no one knew me when i was poor, or having
problems in my life. i try to forget about that part of my
life, but the people around me don't. and no one in florida
knew about my past, and it was easier to put behind me.but
dad doesn't understand. no one does. no one understands how
bad i ache to be with people who care about me and love me.
sure, my old friends here care about me and my grandparents
do also, but not like my friends at chs. they were like 1
in a million. i remember, when dad and lissa got into a
fight in january, so we all went to the flea market in
daytna beach. how much fun i had there...even though it was
a really bad day. or the huge mystery christmas package
that dad and lissa did for us kids. how every night they'd
add a string of lights or an ornament. or our spontaneous
pool parties. i remember one day shortly after i got back
from cali, dad and lissa got into it and lissa and i went
to big lots. and she bought this baseball mat for tyler's
room. i saw that very mat at pic 'n save when grandma and i
went one day and i thought about tyler. how he was always
such a brat, but i remember when he got back from wisconsin
and my dad walked out of the room and he was really groggy
and tyler was like "hi david-are you drunk?" i was in tears
trying to hold back laughter. i'm sorry on dad's part, but
it was really funny. and how i would talk to jesse on the
phone late at night, and how he could always help me out.
or i could talk to brandi, and she could talk to me. or how
amanda, daniele, and i would "freak dance" on friday
nights. and make popcorn chicken at 11:30 in the morning.
or how brandi would just jump in the pool whenever she was
really hot and she didn't care. or how i'd get up early in
the morning and shower before school. even that little
thing brings back memories. its crazy, how i can't adapt.
and dad probably thinks i'm going through "some teenage
girl drama phase". i wish he knew. if only he knew what i
was thinking. i actually hope he stumbles on this entry in
attempt to type a letter or something, then maybe he'll
read it and realize how badly i miss florida, and having a
family, and having an actual nice life. sure my life is
nice right now, but it's alot nicer when you have a family.
and he knows thta too....i just don't think he'll admit it.
and i know he wants to go back. and i don't blame him for
his reason. but i moved to florida when he wanted to go.
why can't he give me the same courtsy? for once in my life,
i was happy. and my life couldn't have gotten any better.
he wants his dogs and stuff back. i just want my life back.




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