lauren s

..always something new..
2002-10-12 19:09:32 (UTC)

Ive lost count...

Well,how interesting. A lot has happened since I last
wrote. I hooked up with this kid Jamie. He is a millionaire
or at least his dad is .. of course he is, i mean he did
deliver celine dions baby after all. Anyways i was
infatuated with him untill i realized he switches girls
every day.He is by no means perfect. He is just hott, rich,
smart, motivated, straight A student, popular, just
voted "Mr. Wellington" and is going to UF where his brother
is on an academic scholarship. I hate it they have
everything going for them (him and his amazingly georgus
brother) but they are players. They talk sweet to you and
hypnotize you with their deep stares and gentle touching of
a place like your thigh or neck and when its all over it
leaves you thinking " woah what just happened" its like you
loose all your senses. It tool me a while but im over it
now. I wish i had trevor with me now. I miss him. Hes a kid
i met in Kansas this summer and fell in love with right
before i had to fly back to florida. Soooo depressing. Even
though my personal relationships are fucked up pretty damn
bad, its nothing compaired to my parents who are on the
verge of a break up, even though they say they are ok. They
started smoking and drinking and doing other things that
give me nightmares. Thats what i get for snooping around
and listening in on phone conversatins. But i wouldnt feel
the need to if they would just be honest and not act all
strange. My mom is all the sudden going back to school to
get certified to be a nurse. I think its to gain
independence so she can leave my dad when she starts making
her own money. But shes just as bad as my dad because when
he cheeted on her she cried and acted all depressed and
then last weekend she went out partying with her friend and
picked up on guys while my dad stayed home all stressed
out.I dont know a lot of things have changed. Too many
things to recount. And not only that but were out of money
and this time i mean completely. Which is making my sweet
16 trip to halloween horror nights with my friends
financialy impossible, because we have to buy 2 hotelrooms
and about 8 or 9 tickets, plus food and gas money ... yea
were talking about 700 bucks. But thats next weekend and
the week right after that is homecoming and i am going to
be in Powder Puff (where us girls play flag football and
the guys cheer) an then im going to be in lipsync where we
dance and sing to songs that match our theme (this year
juniors are candyland) and then im going to try and walk in
the parade.. and that weekend should have a lot of
homecoming partys. fun heh ? ummm i dunno tonight im goig
to party hard, hopefully get very drunk and extreamly high
and not come home, like sleep at loreyns or something.Just
to forget for just a night about all my streses.
I'll just prey, God is def testing my strength because i
have a lot on my plate rightnow. I have my diabetes to
worry about and ive been doing a horrible job lately of
taking care of it (after 10 years, and only being 15, it
takes its toll on you but theres no cure so im going to
have to suck it up and take care of myself) and my parents
relationship shit and their financial problems that im
constantly reminded of and my sweet 16 that i have to plan
all by myself (finding all hotel rooms, buying all tickets
and figuring out the best dates to go , and whos going to
drive and stay where and go where and when.. agh!) and then
my grades which AMAZINGLY havent suffered at all.. if
anything they are better i think im going to be able to
pull of honor roll this report card. PSATs are on tuesday
though and thats kinda stressful i guess. I have so much
shit going on in my head i swear i have no choice but to
take a deep breath and take it one step at a time because i
dont break down like i use to thank God. It took me a long
time to train myself to stay collected under times of
extreme stress but i accomplished. Im so much better and i
think a lot has to do with my awesome frieds. i got rid of
that stupid bitch chere and i am happier than ever. Nikki
and Loreyn have always been there for me and iwas an idiot
for not being there for them but now were all like tiedat
the hip because between the three of us we have a million
of friends and partys every weekend,which is very good
because im going through my " i want to be a stupid
teenager and do bad things like hook up and get high and
drunk" stage,actually scratch that i can go for a pretty
long time wihout hookingup. I did enough of that my
freshman year to last me the rest of high school and
amazingly i managed to walk out of freshman year still
hanging on to my virginity, my last claim to innocence
aside from the fact ive never hurt anyone ... that makes me
innocent in another way. Whew im all typed out. Ill write
back sometime after my trip to Orlando next week..