kiss me, kill me, hold me, thrill me
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2002-10-12 04:19:45 (UTC)

new things are happening

An interesting turn of events has happened. Just
yesterday I was wishing that I could talk Dave into being
my slave. It would be an online thing and for when we're
drunk only. So it would be stricktly online until he
comes over here. If we get drunk i talk about it.

Anyway. As a joke before heading to class I told him to
stroke himself until I got back. He gave me a surprised
emoticon and I told him to close his mouth and do as he
was told. Then the most amazing thing happend. He called
me Mistress. He also asked if there was anything else he
should do for me. I said I would think about it.

All last night in class I was so aroused by thoughts of
what I could have him do. Much to my dislike he was
offline when I got home. He was 3 hours time difference
away from me so I allowed it.

I did however have to send him an e-mail today telling him
how much it turned me on to be called Mistress. I figured
I should e-mail him so I could tell him before John
arrived. It was great. He read it inspite of being at
his parent's place. He made sure to call me Mistress soon
after. He said he was going to slave away and make bbq
dinner. I was pleased he called Mistress again.

It is playing right into my plans. He talked about coming
over next weekend like as in a week from tomorrow. He
talked about getting drunk. I hope he does come. The
only thing so far is that Cal is going to be gone to
Canada. That means it leaves me, Dave and Mandy. I don't know if
he would come if it were just me going to be here. I mean we've
progressed a lot in our friendship/relationship, but I don't know if
that has or could complicate things.

I was thinking originally that if he came over I could
talk him into wearing my pleated skirt if he got drunk.
It would be a ton of fun to see. Cal wouldn't be there to
take a picture though. Also that would be crossing a line.

What line that is I am not sure. I mean would it be
submission to me as Mistress or would it be more of a
sexual act? I don't want things to lead to more than I
can handle. There are a million things I have dreamed of
doing with that boy, but I am content having them simply
be dreams. NOT REALITY!

I am not sure I could stop myself if it were becoming
reality. The only card I have to play is my slight
nervousness around him. Alcohol takes that all away
though. It makes talking to him so easy. I wouldn't be
nervous and therefore would be more willing to let things
slide and go for it. I am not talking sex. I know that I
wouldn't do that, but maybe flashing him or something.

I have been promising that I would send him a pic of me
totally flashing Cal's digital camera, but her camera has
not been working. Once it is working I will send a pic.
I said if I sent it to him he would have to come and get
drunk with me. That is when he said he might be over next

I hope he comes and we do something. We don't have to get
totally drunk, but it would be great to sit around and
really talk. I mean talk about anything. I want to open
up to him more about my wanting to try out bondage. I
find it to be amazing and want to tie someone up someday.
I know John wouldn't ever go for it. I'm guessing he
would be horrified at the thought of it.

I don't want to find out his actual reaction. He might
think less of me if I told him. Dave on the other hand
gets surprised and goes on with life storing the
information in his brain. I tell him all kinds of strange
things that I haven't told anyone else.

I also talk to the guy across the hall, but I don't tell
him as much as I tell Dave. There is a ton of stuff that
I have never told anyone and I am slowly telling Dave.

I don't know what sort of a sign that is. It obviously
means I trust him with some pretty personal information.
He is one of the few people I trust. John, Cal, Jay, Mina
and maybe one or two other people know a lot about me.
The rest of the world sees me as this little innocent girl.

I have no need to show the world the true me. It is easy
enough to keep playing the shy and meek one. I've been
doing it all my life. Ever since it was really what I was

I don't know who or what started my corruption. I would
have to say that the TV show Silk Stalkings was one of the
early contributors. That and David Cassidy's book. I
read it when I was 13 or so. I was also watching SS back
then in the middle of the night when my parents were

I do have to insert a bit from my conversation with Dave
in here. I want somewhere to store it and this is good
enough... The (6) is text for the emoticon that is a sexy
devil. I am g and he is d. I canged the screen names to
protect the so far innocent.

d:well mistress... I must go and be a slave to the grill
for dinner
d: (6)
g:yummy. eat lots for me slave.
d:your wish is my command
g:good to hear

The only major problem in my plan is I have no real way of
finding out if he does what I ask. I could guess he might
have stroked himself before bed the other night, but if I
tell him to say put a finger in ass while doing that...I
wouldn't know if he did it or not. I would have to guess
and assume.

I don't feel like making an ass out of myself. It would
be fun if he would go along with what I say. He could
describe the action to me. Also when he comes over and
gets drunk I could try pulling rank on him infront of the
girls. I could then tell him I was just trying to be more
assertive in general life.

I am assertive with him online, but I am not an assertive
person by nature. For some reason I have been able to
open up to him way more than anyone else. Well, open up
in a different way than anyone else. He hasn't had to
drag any of this stuff out of me.

Like the fact that I find a naked woman attractive. Naked
women are sexy. He was a little shocked at me, but has
gone with it and understands what I am saying when i say
that. I don't want to be with a chick, but I have said I
could join him in a threesome. Infact I think that would
be a lot of fun. I won't ever get the chance to though.
I am afraid that John would dump me for that. I DO NOT
want that to ever happen. I love him way too much.

John is coming over tonight. He is staying all weekend.
Dave said he could put up with John for the day if need
be. I think he is being WAY TOO childish about the whole
not being patriotic thing. John didn't ever get to
explain what he meant.

Oh well. I am hoping that when Dave arrives tomorrow that
he comes here. I mean not straight to Mandy's place. She might be
taking Cal to go shopping anyway. I hope she is doing that.

Then he can come over. I have an outfit planned that I
think he will like a lot. It is fun to have some control
over him. I have had a sort of control over him for a
while now. It would be fun to toy with his mind a little
more. I also like the compliments he gives me. He
showers me with compliments some days. It is great!!! It
makes me feel good inside.

I am not sure why I talk about him so much. I try not to
talk about him much during the day. I just come home and
talk to him. He is going out of town again this Sunday.
I hope he is in a closer time zone this time. Three hours
was too much. He would be in bed or going to bed when I
was getting back from class. An hour off is about all I
can take.

I do have to just chill out and deal with it though. At
least he did get online and talk to me a little while he
was gone this time. He can't do that every time.

I am listening to NIN. I love their music. It is one of
the many things Dave and I have in common. We like a lot
of the same music. I think we click in most ways except
the question of sex. That is a big one for me. I do
think he would be amazing in bed.

I don't have the REAL desire to have sex with him though.
I am content with never doing it with him. It would be
fun to see his dick sometime though. Too bad giving him a
blow job would be crossing a line. Oh well, I'd never do
that anyway. I would get the opportunity either.

I am coming up on two years after the death of my
Grandmother. It is next month, but I am suddenly thinking
about it agian. I miss her like crazy still. I am ok
with her death though.

I guess I seem to talk about two things...Dave and my lost
loved ones. They seem to be on my mind a lot. I hope
Dave arrives home soon so I can tell him that the girls
might not be here when he plans to arrive. I am hoping he
will still come then and can hang out with John and I for
a bit. I just want to see him and drool a bit. He is
damn sexy. That boy is one fine piece of Man Meat!!!

More than that though his best feature is his
personality. I care for him deeply. It is not love, but
something on a whole different level. A level of great
respect and admiration.