2001-08-02 18:22:18 (UTC)

love, lust, jealousy, hate, want,commintment,scarde, you name it !!

boy oh boy. what a pass two days o have had.i talked to my
ex-boyfrined in ny. what a jerk. i hung the phone up on felt so good to do so.then i talked to a friend and
we were talking and like i told her ill never find a
boyfriend becouse i might go basic traning this summer.
then when i come back to finish my sr. year ill leave not
to much longer after i graduate. you know all i wanted for
my jr. and sir. year of high school was a bofriend that i
loved and care for as he would do the same and then you
know go to homecomming together and go to prom and i would
go on a real date. you know with my ex we never had a date
its was everyone paid his own way for everthing and his
mommy drove us aroud and wouldnt let us out of sight or let
us go off by our selves. it would be nice to see what my
other friends talk about. then with school starting on the
20 and with my mom not knowing for a week if she has cancer
that may kill her. life is so full of all these mixed and
different emotions. at one moment you love then in a blink
of an eye you hate and you want and jealousy and greed gets
in there to. sometimes i just brake down and cry becouse i
feel so lost helpless and i dont know what to do or say and
what to think or feel. i cant make up my mind about
anything. about going into the air force i think that i am
scarde that i wont get through it. i havent be to
phisicaly active since i had surgery and almost died 4
years ago and all the moving and where we lived didnt help
matters of me playing sports either. boyfriends dont even
get me started on those. i guess what they say is true
teenager years are the most rewarding (in the name that you
know dates high school events like prom driving all that
stuff) but the most confusing time for a person and their

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