Ebony Wishes

Reflection of A Shattered Soul
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2002-10-12 01:40:07 (UTC)


It's pathetic. My life is completely worthless. I'm
suppose to be lil ms. perfect. Like hell. This is my
journal and I can say whatever damn thing i want. I don't
care who's reading this. They can read all they want.
It's not like Im gonna fucking care. There's been so many
times lately that I've looked at my isoniazid tablets and
vitamins that i take for TB preventionnd wonder y i dont
overdose on it. I have fucking suicidal thoughts so live with it and
don't complain to me about it. And for all those who know me, and
think this sounds so unlike me. Well it's me so deal with it.
Im human too in case uve all forgotten. This feels good.
Having bottled everything up all my life, its nice to let
it out and if u have a goddamn problem with it, deal with
it and leave me the hell alone. Hate me, like me, I could
care less. I might be a fucking pacifistic pushover but i have my
limits too. At some point you'll push me beyond my limits
and then its gonna turn from bad to worse. Im not gonna
apologize for anything i've said thus far. I mean
everything and i dun regret anything i've said. If you
don't like it, well it's just gosh darn bad isn't it,
you're the one reading this so you can leave whenever u
want. No i don't have a life in case your wondering, i
just go through life like a robot. Everyday's the same.
Its nothing new. Ive been doing it all my life anyway.
i've had my shares of good and bad times. And the bad
always outweigh the good. Yea, i have friends. Not many
close ones, but i have them. I have 2 younger brothers, a
mother and a father. Nothing special. My family. Let me
get into the details. One brother, Henry, is 12 and
one,Alvin, is 6. Henry's a money gobbling machine who
get's into so much shit that drives ma mom nuts. He's full
of words but no action. Alvin's just plain stupid. Takes
him an hour to finish a little bit of 1st grade hw.
Stupid. Maybe my friend's right, I recieved the recessive
intelligence gene in my family since henry isn't too smart
either. My mom is an obsessively clean person who keeps
everything in like me and then lets it out on me even if it
has nothing to do with me which is really stupid but im
used to it. My dad is just a lazy, cigarette smoking,
alcohol guzzling asshole who spents all his time in China.
Nice dad he makes and expects me to go to Harvard. Im not
done yet but im going. I'll talk more later. Good bye.

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