Zara

Today....

Today has been quiet but productive. I didn't go to work
today. I had a chat with my flatmate and we worked things
out. He is trying to help me. He wants to help me and to do
that sometimes I need a push. He admitted that on times he
is a pain in the ass. I respect that. I have a renewd
feeling of confidence in him from that talk. I know that we
are not going to always agree and I think I have accepted
that now. he is going to help me with the cattery money, so
I can sigh a breath of relief and he has also cut my share
of the rent to what I can afford at the moment because
financially I am stuffed. I am not stressed about it (I was
this morning but not now) I just am going to take a deep
breath and things will work out. I guess I have come this
far and survived, so now the stars are the limit. Next
Thursday I will have been in Sydney for 2 months.

I have acheived so much. I am standing on my own two feet
and I am facing what I thought would be impossible, six
months ago, the problems I was running into would be enough
to make me go running for cover with my tail between my
legs. No more. uhuh. I am facing whats mine to face. and I
am winning. I guess I refuse to lose. I wanted this for so
long and now I have it. Everyone has problems. But I am
fine.

Job wise I am feeling confident. My employment consultant
called me this morning and said I had a choice of 2 jobs to
have an interview for. I chose the cashier job. Something
that I know I can do. I can do the kitchenhand job as well
but I hate the chemicals that kitchenhands use. Also I have
been put in for a retail traineeship and a hospitality/
retail traineeship. So things are looking alright on job
street. 8-)

I wrote Staurt an email this afternoon. I am hoping that we
will get together this weekend. I want to spend as much
time with him before he leaves. I spent a lot of time
decorating the email. I guess i wanted a lasting
impression. Not that he will probably care. But hey, maybe
he will. Acceptance is a good thing. I think I am finally
accepting that he is possibly going to leave within a
matter of weeks. At the moment I feel like I have accepted
it. Maybe when he does leave I will become all upset about
it again. But I will get over it. i always do. I had this
thought go around in my head the other day. Why is it when
someone you meet who you think is perfect for a
relationship never is? And today my answer to that is I
don't know and it will be up to the future and destiny to
sort all that out for me. I will always be open to it, but
why should I worry? There's no reason. I am an Aries....I
fall in love with the thought of being in love. I am a
hopeless romantic and I dream of being swept off my feet by
a handsome prince and being carried off into the
sunset.....I am a dreamer, but it is not a bad thing. I
love the fact that I am a dreamer. Dreams are good. Stuart
could've been my handsome prince.... but if destiny says
no, then no. I can't get inside his head so I don't know
how he thinks.
"Live nine lives in the life you have"