~dAyDrEaMeR~

Out-of-the-ordinary-stuff!
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2001-08-02 06:04:18 (UTC)

Why'd they have to leave me?

Recently alot of people really close to me have died, and
I've been really bummed out!!! I mean like TONS of ppl
around me have died, or close to...even happy events have
sudenly turned into drastic ones!! First off one of my
friends Grandfather's died of old age. That one was very
touching because me and that friend had kinda lost touch for
almost 3 years, and then i made my mother drive 3 hours just
so I could be there for her!
The next death was my brother figure's grandmother which
hurt me alot because she hed been their while me and my
brother were growing up, and I had lots of fond memory's of
her.
The next death was the one that really hit me....I hardly
knew the guy that was killed but I did know him, and his
story would hurt even those that didn't know him. It started
when he went to the bar to have a few drinks, and I guess he
had a few too many. His friends were bothering him about
what a wimp he was and stuff, and then the guy heard the
train coming (the train tracks are right across the street
from the bar) and he told his friends he was going to go
stop the train(to prove he wasn't a wimp). Well his friends
just laughed and he ran out. Well, sadly enought he was hit
and killed by the train, and let me tell you..noone is
laughing anymore!!
Then a girl that was only 16 was hit by a semi in a near by
town and died instantly.
Next one of my extremely close friend's grandpa died! This
one was also hard on me because I had just met him and was
very sad to hear the news.
Next off..a near death.....we were at a wedding for friends
of our family and we were all having a great time, when all
of a sudden my grat auntie had a stroke...but everyone
refused to tell the bride a groom because they were afraid
of ruining their day, but happily to say she is fine now!
Next, another one that hit me harder than the train accident
was my cousin Clarissa. She had jsut been born and she had
this disease or illness that the doctors could not explain.
When she was 2 days old the doctors decided it would be best
to send Clarissa away somewhere where she would have more
experts look at her and stuff, so they took her off all the
machines that were atatched on her to help her, but as soon
as they did, even though it was only a second, she died
instantly. Also the church has refused to bury her because
she hadn't been babtised!! This was a huge injustice to our
family, and we are all very upset!!
Lastly, my other friends mother died recently leaving her
and her brother with her father. her brother is very young
and doesn't understand yet where his mother went. She wrote
a poem for it..and here it is..


Mommy……

Mummy what's heaven?
You went there last night.
You made Daddy cry,
And you gave me a fright.

Are you an angel Mummy?
Daddy says you are.
He says it wasn't your fault
That we hit that other car.

Mummy did you know?
Our car was feeling that poor.
The brakes were put on at such speed,
The car just couldn't endure.

Where's heaven Mummy?
Is it very far?
Can I come visit you?
Don't worry, we wont take the car!

What's heaven Mummy?
I don't understand.
I'm feeling kind of lonely
And you cannot hold my hand?

The doctor says I'm lucky
That I'm not "up there" too.
But I don't know what he means mommy
I just want to be with you.


Now all these things are quite tragic and all of them have
upset me alot! now its like i dont see anyhitng I used to
see, it's gone...i dont think of anything or feel anything,
its just a blank in my mind.....i dont hear anyhting anyone
tells me, it just comes and goes like a monotone
sound......everything in life is just an act, and im just
here for teh show...its like the world is crumbling around
me, and all i can do is watch.....its like im cause
eveeryone i love pain, but i can't stop...its just so
confuseing...


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