Saitorr

Saitorr
2002-10-10 05:19:32 (UTC)

Jacob: The Siren

Has anyone else wondered about the phrase open wounds? I
wonder if you could sell some on e-bay... and how much
they'd run for. I think I could sell an open wound for
around $500. Of course, I know my arch-enemy, Richie Rich
would buy it just to pour tobasco sauce in it. That
bastard's such a bastard.

The other night he tried stabbing me in my solar plexis.

You heard me.

Today the screw in my lamp fell out and the reflector thing
fell out of my lamp and now I'm SUPER depressed yo. I feel
like I can't dole out the drivel I usually do. But I will
anyways.

I think we need (as a people) some sort of volcano that
shoots out candy instead of lava. And then, when you're
least expecting it, it SHOOTS OUT DEADLY MAGMA TO KILL
THOSE FOOLISH ENOUGH TO TRUST MOTHER EARTH! But the magma
won't kill you... it'll just form some sort of bubble with
you inside because all its molecules will be positively
charged, and you'll be negatively charged (naturally),
so... bubble. And then, it'd kill you slowly or
something. Or maybe, enslave you.

Why are all super-heros human(oid)? I think we should have
a super-hero snail. One that takes its time to kick ass.
Or one we can ALL relate to, a super-hero whale. Not a
killer whale, either... one of those whales that eats
plankton. Wait, no... that's unrealistic. A vegetarian
whale super-hero? I mean... I might believe whale, but
come on. I'm an idiot.

What about inanimate objects? The brave toaster sucked, so
what about the brave shotgun? Of course, it's easy to be
brave when you're a shotgun, I suppose...

What about the giant blender? Too messy, I suppose...

Oooh! Oooh! I know, the super talk show host! They could
like... give DNA tests to prove that the super-villian
really IS the father... or like... send the super-villian
to boot camp for a week or so. Boot camp solves EVERYONE'S
problems!

Here's a question for the ladies:
Would you rather date a super-hero, or super-villian?

I'm willing to bet that you're all going to say super-
villian... because (with the exception of Bruce Wayne,
A.K.A. Batman) the super-villians are rich, and still semi-
buff. Oh, and THEY AREN'T ME!

Using his powers for mediocrity,
Jacob




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